COULD SPRING FINALLY BE SNEAKING BACK IN?
The forecast for the weekend says SIXTY DEGREES...WHOOO HOOOO! It's been a while. I'll take it.
BACK ON THE AIR?
Many of you have contacted us to see if we'd be going back to our old haunts at WSB-FM...No, it looks like that door was closed again. The station has decided to keep one half of the show they brought in to replace us. It lasted about a year and a half...with no better success than we had and for a LOT MORE MONEY, it seems. So...for now...life goes on...our hunt continues. Thanks for your concern and thoughtfulness, though.
OK, THIS MAKES ME WANNA CHEW NAILS! MY OPINION...
Three Navy Seals face the possibility of PRISON over accusations by a murdering, terrorist, animal. That animal's name is, I Made Hashish a Bed...or something...wait...it's Ahmed Hashim Abed...I was close. Here is what that PIECE OF GARBAGE DID...
Imade a Bed...or whatever...planned and orchestrated an attack on 4 INNOCENT, AMERICAN, CONTRACTORS in Fallujah, Iraq. The place was a cesspool of terror and unrest following the defeat of Saddam Hussein's army. Abed, and his assassins ambushed, these 4 men in their car and they were killed and set ablaze...maybe not in that order. The bodies of were then defiled as they were tied to the bumpers of cars and dragged through the streets and then hung over a bridge, prominently in view of the city and many cheering Iraquis.
ENTER THE NAVY SEALS. An intensive search was launched for the perpetrators, particularly the mastermind, Abed. He was captured. NOW he is claiming that he was "punched in the stomach and given a bloody lip." He's crying ABUSE AND TORTURE...and for some reason...we're listening.
The response to these cowardly cries SHOULD BE, "Yeah, so what?" BUT...instead the response by a government that is more concerned about offending the sensibilities of people who want to KILL us, is to PUT THE NAVY SEALS ON TRIAL FOR ABUSE!
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? These men, these brave Navy Seals are heroes. They captured a CRIMINAL (I'm being nice) and made him available to be brought to trial and delivered justice for his unspeakable mutilation of innocent human beings. And what thanks do they get? They get kicked in the teeth by our current leaders, who think it is "fair" that they be punished...obviously so as NOT to offend the Muslim world.
OK...though I am not authorized to do so by anyone, let me apologize for what these brave Navy Seals did...
Considering what your crimes are, Mr. Abed...and considering that ALL YOU GOT was a fat lip and a punch in the gut...sorry about that.
Considering the fact that they COULD have put on masks to hide their identity (as your comrades have done in cowardice) and set up a video camera to capture your screams as they slowly SAWED YOUR HEAD OFF (as some of your comrades did to journalist, Daniel Pearl)...BUT DIDN'T...sorry about that.
And now that there is a segment of our leadership that seems to believe that America is to blame for all of this. That America is at fault for you and others like you, declaring a Jihad on US and want to KILL US. That we have brought this hatred and declarations of war upon ourselves...I am truly very sorry about that.
I am sorry that we are unwilling to stand up and recognize that YOU HAVE DECLARED WAR ON US...and you actually believe YOU ARE AT WAR...BUT WE CHOSE TO DENY IT. We, instead placate and acquiess to your every demand and go so far as to punish our soldiers who inadvertently and innocently "insult" you, your Koran or your religion. I am really sorry about that.
Now, all those apologies out of the way...I hope we come to our senses, dismiss charges against the three Navy Seals and then get about the business of delivering the kind of justice to you that you deserve. And for the record, I believe that justice is no better than the fate you delivered to 4 innocent men in the streets of Fallujah...and if I could...I'd suggest, just for giggles, we put you and those Seals in a room, close the door and just forget about what goes on for an hour or so...and show you how MINOR a fat lip really is.
TURKS ARE INSULTED AND WITHDRAW THEIR AMBASSADOR TO THE US
Turkey is upset and as a matter of honor, have suspended diplomatic relations with the United States. What is this all about? It's all about a declaration in the US House of Representatives this week that stated that the World War I -era KILLING of 1.5 million Armenians...yeah, ONE AND A HALF MILLION Armenians was "genocide." The Turks are INSULTED. At what? That everyone recognizes that they SLAUGHTERED 1 and a half million people? NO...they are insulted that we stoop so low as to call it GENOCIDE. They don't deny DOING IT...they are just offended that we call it genocide...
How utterly honorable...
MORE PROOF THAT WE'RE TOTALLY INSANE...
A Swiss condom manufacturer is coming out with a line of "EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS" for TWELVE YEAR-OLDS!! Siting the battle against AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, the company is marketing them to KIDS.
I just don't know what to say...
What'll it be there my little kinder? Ah...could I have some Sweet Tarts, a comic book and a pack of those Pygmy Condoms? Thank you, sir.
IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED...THE OSCAR ODDS:
Best Odds for the Oscars
Best Actor
Jeff Bridges 1/6
George Clooney 13:1
Colin Firth 14:1
Morgan Freeman 25:1
Jeremy Renner 28:1
Best Actress
Sandra Bullock 4:6
Meryl Streep 2:1
Carey Mulligan 10:1
Gabourney Sidibe 20:1
Helen Mirren 80:1
Best Picture:
The Hurt Locker 5:6
Avatar 5:4
Inglourious Basterds 17:1
Up in the Air 66:1
Up 100:1
Precious 100:1
The Blind Side 125:1
District 9 150:1
A Serious Man 200:1
An Education 200:1
Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz 1:20
Woody Harrelson 20:1
Stanley Tucci 33:1
Christopher Plummer 33:1
Matt Damon 40:1
Best Supporting Actress
Mo'nique 1:12
Anna Kendrick 18:1
Vera Farmiga 28:1
Penelope Cruz 33:1
Maggie Gyllenhaal 40:1
Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow 27:100
James Cameron 7:2
Quentin Tarantino 33:1
Jason Reitman 150:1
Lee Daniels 150:1
I DON'T WANT TO WIN AN OSCAR...JUST MAKE ME A PRESENTER
Here's what the presenters get for just handing out an Academy Award...the "Swag Bag."
Here's what's it it.
* $45,000 African safari trip complete with personal chef at the Lions Sands Game Preserve in South Africa
* $14,500 stay at the Monte Carlo Beach Hotel in Monaco
* $7,000 rustic getaway at the Winvian Luxury Hotel in Connecticut
* gourmet chocolate from Chocolatines by Sweet Endeavours (including Chocolate-dipped bacon)
* personal training sessions and a one-week all inclusive fitness bootcamp
* deeli.com online shopping cards
* Tiffany cat collar and "designer dog toys"
* WooLoot sport watches
* iFLY indoor skydiving experience
* HGTV "Green Home" mattress by Serta
* The Pig Board
* personal security alarm
* 1 year supply of Altoids Smalls
OK BRAIN...
If you have one of these...no matter WHAT IT'S WORTH, you can only sell it for a DOLLAR. What is it?
Answer: YOUR OSCAR!
After Vivien Leigh's Oscar for Gone with the Wind was sold at auction for $510,000, the Academy instated a policy whereby an Oscar owner (its winner or inheritor), before auctioning the statuette, must first offer to sell it to the Academy for $1.
LATER
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