GULF-BETTER, AFGHANISTAN-WORSE, SNOOKI-A WHITE HOUSE UNKNOWN?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OIL? 
Clean-up authorities, industry representatives, environmentalists, experts and other observers are having a hard time finding any of the millions of gallons of oil that gushed from the BP spill the past 100, or so, days. Pressure at the leak, dispersants, microbes, sunlight, warm water and the natural churning of the Gulf are all partial explanations, which taken in sum probably explain it all.  
Maybe nature has an amazing capacity to take care of itself.  The fear still remains that some of the dispersants remain which could be toxic.  Here's to a speedy recovery for all life around the Gulf of Mexico.

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION
The average one of these has 18 times as many bacteria as the average TOILET HANDLE.  What is it that is so NASTY?
Find the answer below.

AFGHANISTAN
July has become the deadliest month of the Afghan war.  Increasing incompetence, corruption and deception in the Kabul government have all led to a rise in Taliban assaults and increased casualties. 
I wonder where the war protesters are?  Where is Cindy Sheehan...Code Pink?  I mean those people STILL oppose the war, right?  Code Pink was yelling at Carl Rove at a couple of his book signings...are they not yelling at THIS administration now?  Or is it that it doesn't pass for news now? 
My heart goes out to the men and women in this conflict...their families, friends and loved ones.  God Speed to them all. 

DOES HE OR DOESN'T HE?

                                                
On "THE VIEW," President Obama said he did no know who this woman is.  She is Snooki from "Jersey Shore."  She is a totally vacuous, diva, bink, who lives to party, sleep and TAN.  The new tax on tanning salons has gotten the otherwise, oblivion a bit riled. 
When asked by Joy Behar about Snooki, Obama said he did not know who she is!
BUT...during the White House Correspondents' Dinner a few months back, the President made a joke that referenced Snooki in the punchline.  So, if HE didn't understand the joke, why would he tell it?
 
OH...BECAUSE IT WAS ON THE TELEPROMPTER!! I see...

GOOD TIME CHARLIE'S GOT THE BLUES...

NY Rep, Charlie Rangel has been brought up on 13 charges by the Ethics Committee.  All the corruption of YEARS of serving in Congress is catching up with him.  Yes, I know he was a Korean War vet and by many measures a HERO.  But his years on Capitol Hill have turned him into a CONGRESSMAN...like many of the others...privileged, above the law, entitled to special treatment...and HE got caught.  And now he's paying the price. That is a good start.  I am SURE there are 500 or more who could also use some scrutiny.  Throw 'em all under the microscope and let's see how they operate.

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE SHE WATCHES THE VIEW?

Please!  Her husband said he wanted to appear with the women of "THE VIEW" because it's one show that Michelle WATCHES.  Do YOU believe that?  Do YOU believe she stops what she's doing as a busy First Lady to watch those hens on that estrogen-palooza?

SO WHO NEEDS CONGRESS, ANYWAY?
Homeland Security Director, Janet Napolitano has said the White House may just BYPASS congress through DHS and grant amnesty to MILLIONS OF ILLEGAL ALIENTS...oops, I mean DISPLACED FOREIGN TRAVELERS...
                          
Looks like with the SEC ruling about the Freedom of Information Act and then the FBI being able to totally bypass warrants to seize company email, it looks like the EXECUTIVE branch is making the LEGISLATIVE branch totally obsolete. 
As much as I disapprove of what that body has done over the past several years, I can say that bypassing them to enforce an agenda is INFINITELY MORE DANGEROUS.

BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
If you guessed POLITICAN...I'd argue your point but the real answer is... YOUR CELL PHONE!  EWWWW!

That's it.

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THIS JUST IN...MICHELLE VACATIONING SEPARATELY FROM BARACK...ON HIS BIRTHDAY?

It looks like Michelle Obama and daughter, Sasha will be off to SPAIN, instead of vacationing with DADDY next weekend.  The thing is, THAT'S BARACK OBAMA'S BIRTHDAY.  They are throwing him a big party in Chicago and everything...of course it costs $30,000 to attend the party.  (Are you obliged to bring a GIFT on top of that?)  So, Michelle and Sasha will miss the party...I guess Malia is the only one who can afford the $30G!

POOR LINDSEY...THE INMATES DON'T LIKE HER!

One report says the inmates are GETTING TIRED OF LINDSEY LOHAN.  A relative of one inmate says when Lindsey has visitors, THE FACILITY IS ON LOCKDOWN.  There are claims that she is getting some security considerations that others do not get and it's causing her fellow convicts to GET A LITTLE TIRED OF HER.
...HEY, JOIN THE REST OF US!!

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION
On average, it takes us 2 DAYS, 17 HOURS to do this and some say they JUST CAN'T DO IT.  What is it?
Find the answer below.

OLIVER STONE...NEVER MET A DICTATOR HE DIDN'T LIKE...EVEN HITLER!!

Oliver Stone, darling of the left and lover of all things DICTATOR, has spoken again...and it's not pretty.  Find out what he said in my 5 MINUTE VIDEO BONUS 3 MINUTES this morning.  You can click and watch above. 
You'll also find out about European and American economic trains heading OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
What Barack Obama is doing to help solve some of the IMPORTANT issues of today and what a friend we have in Pakistan.
Check out both videos.

MORE EARTHS OUT THERE?

NASA's Kepler Mission is exploring DEEP SPACE and has found 700 NEW, SUSPECTED PLANETS outside our solar system.  140 of them are similar in size to Earth.  Cool!  No sign of any sort of intelligent life but then again I'm not so sure there is any HERE, either.

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
It takes the average person nearly THREE DAYS to RELAX ON VACATION! 
Stress of packing, travel, worries about work, etc all weigh heavily enough on our minds to keep us from enjoying and relaxing on our breaks.  And THEN there is the REPACKING, TRAVELING HOME, GOING BACK TO WORK...we need vacations to recover from our vacations.

THAT'S IT.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

                               
                                          UNEMPLOYED?  BENEFITS RUN OUT? 
Now batting, pinch-Senator, Carte Goodwin, the replacement for the late Robert Byrd of West Virginia has broken any filibuster and relief for millions of unemployed is about to spew forth.  Republicans wanted to PAY for the extension by using UNUSED TARP money...it's already set aside.  The Democrats would have none of it and added it to the DEFICIT...about $34 BILLION. 
We've SPENT $3.7 TRILLION in bailouts, already and do you see any real PROGRESS?  Do you? 

CAN YOU EVEN FATHOM A TRILLION DOLLARS?

           Well, for STARTERS, it's TEN BILLION OF THESE!!  WANT A MORE STARTLING IMAGE?
Watch the 5 Minute Video as I try to help you PICTURE a TRILLION dollars...STACKS OF $100's.  How many Benjamins does it take to make a million?  Maybe not as many as you'd think.  How a bout a billion...a TRILLION?  Watch and see.
AND...find the NEW TERM for illegal aliens, according to the US FOREST SERVICE. 

TODAY'S BRAIN STRETCHER
Survey says 34% of Americans have done this when inviting guests over for a dinner party.  What have they done?
Find the answer below or on Alpha's 5 MMV.

CAN WE JUST START CALLING POLITICALLY CORRECT, POLITICALLY RIDICULOUS?
US Forest Service nabbed a Mexican National...ILLEGAL...tending to his 7300 pot plants in Shasta National Forest near Redding, CA.  Of course it was not HIS pot plot...it belongs to some Mexican Drug Lord...BUT...the stupidity is that the USFS could not bring itself to call the arrested suspedpct an ILLEGAL...in the report, he was called a "DISPLACED FOREIGN TRAVELLER!"
Yeah, he made a wrong turn in Albequerque and the next thing you know, he finds himself tending pot plants in California!  He should have a serious talk with his TRAVEL AGENT!!
Happens to me all the time!  I'm just going to the store for a loaf of bread and somehow I wind up in a whole different country growing illegal substances...oops, I mean displaced substances.
One time the said I was robbing a store...I told 'em I was just a NON-TRADITIONAL SHOPPER!

NOW WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, OLIVER STONE!

Good ole Ollie...buddy of Hugo Chavez, says the US should just SEIZE all domestic oil companies.  Just TAKE 'em! It's what any self respecting dictator would do, right?
Forget that they are PUBLICLY HELD COMPANIES...that human beings own stock in them and some depend on those stocks for their livelihood!  Just TAKE 'em.  It's what any Communist Dictatorship would do, right?  Right!

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
According to Turning Leaf Wine, over 1/3 of Americans have tried to pass off CARRY OUT FOOD as HOMEMADE!  Shame on you!!  Ever done it?  Nahhhh!  Couldn't hide the Carabba's bag, right?  Right.

That's it!
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POLLS ARE OPEN
It's PRIMARY DAY in Georgia...get out and VOTE...there are SCOUNDRELS to VOTE OUT!! 

SO, YOU HATE THE ARIZONA IMMIGRATION LAW?  OK...LET'S PASS THIS ONE:

If you agree that the Arizona Immigration law is unconstitutional, racist, draconian and degrading to illegal Mexican immigrants. etc...OK, then...let's pass THIS ONE! 
mexicoslaw.com/
It's the Immigration laws of MEXICO.  Let's do as THEY DO!! Would THOSE work better for ya?


ANOTHER WHITE HOUSE PARTY?
                                      
After his Maine vacation, the president and Michelle celebrated BROADWAY NIGHT at the White House.  The event featured noted Broadway artists and celebrities, including Marvin Hamlish and Nathan Lane, was recorded by PBS for later broadcast...nice little PARTY NIGHT for the Obama's and a nice little TV commercial for the PRES...
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE CONSIDERATION FOR US...THE GUYS WHO PAID FOR YOUR LITTLE SOIREES?!!? You've gone on three vacations and thrown as many CELEBRITY PARTIES at the White House since the BP spill...I don't know...maybe in the interest of APPEARANCES...just cut back on it a little?  It gives the feeling of elitism and arrogance...let 'em eat cake...

                                                             YEP, GET READY AS YOUR ELECTRIC BILLS                                                                    "NECESSARILY SKYROCKET!"

Them's the words of Barack Obama, himself, as he talked about the "Cap and Trade Bill," he's been pushing since his campaign.  Now it has a much more "acceptable" name but it means the same as Majority Leader, Harry Reid readies the Senate docket to push for its passing. 
This is happening as CHINA surpasses the US as the NUMBER ONE consumer of energy.  So, what will WE do?  We'll make consuming energy SO EXPENSIVE, business will wither.  You see, it TAKES ENERGY TO RUN AN ECONOMY.  Look at what CHINA is doing and THEY will not be subject to any of the onerous regulations of this or any GLOBAL LAW, like the Kyoto Treaty...which says the US has to pay money to "DEVELOPING COUNTRIES" ... like CHINA AND INDIA.  Does THAT make sense to anyone?
And by Obama's advisers' OWN ADMISSIONS, to reduce the carbon emissions this law requires, "WILL BRING OUR ECONOMY TO A GRINDING HALT."
SO...WHY THE HELL ARE WE DOING IT?   ANYONE?  ANYONE?

LINDSEY LO--GOES TO JAIL
In the immortal words of Forrest Gump..."That's all I got to say about that..."

MEL GOES TO AUSTRALIA?
And his ex-wife, and biggest supporter...Robyn...who Mel DUMPED for this Russian woman...whom he is now accused of beating and abusing...IS GOING WITH HIM.  Oooookay.

AND I'M GOING TO VOTE
But first...something fun about KIDS...got 'em?  Check this out.

KIDS ARE QUICK!  THE LITTLE WISE GUYS!!
____________________________________ 

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find  North America .
MARIA:         Here it is.
TEACHER:    Correct.  Now class, who discovered  America ? 
CLASS:          Maria.
____________________________________   

TEACHER:   John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________ 

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong.
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________ 

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
__________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
__________________________________________  

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I.  ' 
MILLIE:          I is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:         All right..'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'     
________________________________ 

TEACHER:     George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand..    
______________________________________  

TEACHER:    Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________

TEACHER:    Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :      No, sir. It's the same dog.  
___________________________________

TEACHER:     Danny , what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
 Danny:      A teacher.
_________________________________________
AND THIS PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR YOUR TEENAGER...


MORE COMING...

BP MANAGES TO HUSH THE GUSH

It appears as though BP has managed to stem the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico.  Tests await to make sure the cap will hold and not create leaks elsewhere.  In the meantime, BP continues to drill a relief well that is designed to tap into the line leading to the original break and fill it with cement, providing what is HOPED to be a permanent solution. 
Feelings for BP aside, you have to admire the engineering that goes into drilling a well over ONE MILE DEEP and hitting the precise line, in order to make this work...well...it's amazing to me...

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION
According to a study at the University of Chicago, women who have THIS are more likely to experience memory loss as they age.  What is it that could lead to loss of memory and brain function?
See the answer below.

TODAY'S 5 MINUTE VIDEO
A day of contradiction of this household and as I see it, the world...

As we celebrate one week of life for our granddaughter, we honor and remember the life of our son who passed away one year ago today.  That and other things that seem so contradictory in our world.  Click to watch the 5 Minute Video abobve.

WONDER IF GOD'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING?
wtop.com/
A 3.6 earthquake hit the Washington DC area, rattling windows, shaking pictures and causing some politicians to sit up and take notice.  This photo captures the moment the quake hit...

Almost like sitting on the washer in spin cycle at home, huh Nancy...oh, wait, surely you'd never do your OWN laundry.  Looks like Barney Frank is a bit jealous and Maxine Waters just smiles knowingly!

ACTUALLY, THIS IS EQUALLY AS EARTH SHAKING...
It's the giddy signing of the new Finance Bill that is SUPPOSED to keep any economic meltdowns from occurring again.  Funny how the people who CAUSED the first one claim to be FIXING this one by DOING MORE OF THAT THEY DID IN THE FIRST PLACE!
They tell you it's going to HELP YOU...but remember these promises about HEALTH CARE...
It WON'T raise the deficit...
It DOESN'T redistribute wealth...
It WON'T increase costs...
It WON'T lead to rationing...
As it looks now, IT DOES DO AND WILL DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS.  So, just IMAGINE how much this NEW FINANCE BILL is going to HELP YOU, TOO!! 

OK...THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? 
This CAN'T be true...even for the CZAR-HAPPY White House.  The OBAMA'S PERSONAL CHEF IS NOW A SENIOR POLICY ADVISOR?   


He's now the HEALTH FOOD CZAR?  WHAT?  What the hell is going on here? 


At the same time Health and Human Services CZAR, Kathleen Sebilius wants says that EVERY AMERICAN will BE REQUIRED TO HAVE AN OBESITY RATING BY 2014.  Yep, under the STIMULUS ACT signed by Obama, YOU will have to have on A NATIONAL EXCHANGE, your BODY MASS INDEX.

Or what?  What's going to happen?  Are you going to be STOPPED AND TOLD YOU HAVE TO STEP ON A SCALE?  And IMMIGRATION RIGHTS PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING TO SHOW ID? 

This is what I was talking about in yesterday's 5 MMV...my granddaughter, just ONE WEEK OLD will, I am afraid, live in a world where her freedoms are limited, her rights are regulated and her privacy ignored.  It HAS STARTED, MY FRIENDS...

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
With apologies to Queen, FAT BOTTOM GIRLS MAY MAKE THE ROCKIN' WORLD GO 'ROUND, but it may ALSO lead to loss of memory as they age. 
Researchers say women with wide hips are significantly more likely to experience memory loss and mental decline as they get older.  The team from Northwestern University in Chicago conducted a study of 8,745 women aged 65 to 79, testing memory and brain function along with weight.  A connection between brain function and body-shape was found, with each increase in BMI resulting in a loss in memory score points.  "The message is obesity and a higher Body Mass Index (BMI) are not good for your cognition and your memory," said Dr. Diana Kerwin.  "While the women's scores were still in the normal range, the added weight definitely had a  detrimental effect."  The reason pear-shaped women experienced more memory and brain function deterioration than apple-shaped women is likely related to the type of fat deposited around the hips versus the waist.
"Obesity is bad, but its effects are worse depending on where the fat is located," Kerwin said.


SO if you have wide hips...and after 2014, you're asked for your BMI and do not have it...just say...YOU FORGOT!!

That's IT.
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WELL...HERE SHE IS...SHE FINALLY MADE IT!

This is my new granddaughter...Teejay McKena Floyd.  She was born a week late and with a LOT of difficulty.  If you want more of the story, I'll talk about it in my next video.  Suffice it to say, that she waited a week after her due date to come into this world and then made us worry...a lot.  But...don't worry.  Mom, daughter, husband and sister are all quite well.

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION:
Dentists say there is a SURGE in this procedure for teenagers.  What are teens asking dentists to do?
Answer below:

TELL ME AGAIN WHY WE ADMIRE THESE PEOPLE!?!

Mel Gibson's threatening rants against his girlfriend, have landed him in some pretty deep doo doo.  Not only did he make insulting racist comments, he threatened her...and THAT might just land him some prison time...MAKING TERRORISTIC THREATS is frowned upon by our judicial system.

And Lindsey Lohan...well, she continued to thumb her nose at the courts, ignoring orders to appear, then wearing an obscene message on her fingernail...sure it was small, and she said it wasn't meant toward the judge or the court but...do YOU believe that?

So, we're left to wonder why we admire these people so much.  We place these people on a pedestal and then get disappointed when they show they are fallible, human or sometimes just SCHMUCKS!  Witness Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen or any number of politicians who've proven unworthy of our trust or admiration. 
So...what do we do?  Maybe look for "heroes" or "idols" a little closer to your own life.  Or maybe admire these people ONLY for they talent they offer and NOT for the persons they are.  Admire what is in their skill sets and not what is in their character.  And DON'T be surprised if they exhibit human or sometimes subhuman behavior...that's life.

GUESS THAT MALE MODEL THING WASN'T WORKING OUT...

Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska Governor and VP Candidate, Sarah Palin has announced that she is marrying the father of her child, Levi Johnston.  Levi issued a public and extensive apology for some of the things he said about the Palin family...some pretty harsh stuff.  Now he says he made it all up.  After a few attempts at acting and modeling, including a Playgirl spread, he says he loves Bristol and wants to be marry her. 
Ya think Thanksgiving Dinner might be just a LITTLE awkward?  Just a little?


SO...BP...HOW'S THAT NEW CAP WORKING?  WHAT THE GOVERNMENT WON'T LET YOU TEST?

Apparently, Incident Commander, Thad Allen ordered a hold on capping the thing till further tests can be run!?!  Meanwhile, as much as 5 MILLION GALLONS A DAY ARE GUSHING INTO THE GULF WATERS.
Ah...what could be WORSE than that?  What other stuff do you need to know?  Of course, that's just MY totally non-expert curiosity...call me silly...


IS IT BECAUSE THERE'S A CRESCENT MOON AND A STAR?  SOMEBODY'S LYING...

IS THAT WHAT GOT HIM CONFUSED?  He's Charles Bolden, the new DIRECTOR OF NASA!  He told Al Jazera Network recently that BARACK OBAMA told him the NEW MISSION OF NASA was to reach out to the Muslim World to make them feel good about their contribution to math and science.
Let's see...ALGEBRA...that was about A THOUSAND YEARS AGO...anything else?
NOW THIS GUY SAYS...IT'S NOT TRUE!
AND THIS GUY DID NOT
 SAY THAT!
MEANWHILE...THAT GUY WHO SAID HE'D NOT REST UNTIL THE GULF OIL CRISIS WAS SOLVED...                                                    IS GONNA GO PLAY GOLF!  
                                      

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
Teens are getting dentists to make them look like THIS:
    They are getting VAMPIRE veneers...FANGS! 

The popularity of "TWILIGHT"  and other VAMPIRE stories is prompting kids to want to look like this:
And why not...it's such an attractive look...don't you think?

THAT'S IT.
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OK...WHERE'S THE BABY?
As you may know, we've been expecting our granddaughter to arrive for the past few days, now.  She just does not want to cooperate.  Now at 5 days PAST DUE, daughter, Flieca is ready to serve that child an eviction notice.  That will likely happen tomorrow, barring any NATURAL interference today.  Mom is ready...so are we.

OK, SO THIS IS GLOBAL WARMING!
Temperatures hit at or over 100 degrees as far north as New England in the East and Oregon in the West.  We, here in Atlanta will hit near 100 today.  So where's Al Gore?

OH, rght...he's feeling a little different kind of heat because he WAS in heat...with that massage therapist.  Maybe when things cool down, he'll talk about heat again.  Ya think?

SINCE IT'S HOT, HOW ABOUT A COOL BRAIN STRETCHER?
It's National Ice Cream Sundae Day.  First Lady, Dolly Madison was the first to create a sensation by serving ice cream for desert at the White House.  According to PBS's "The Presidents," what was Dolly's personal favorite flavor of ice cream?  Find the cool and disgusting answer below.


CELEBUTARDS IN THE NEWS...
GEORGE...LINDSEY...THIS TIME MAKES TWO GOOBERS! 
(OK, so you had to remember the Andy Griffith Show...see George Lindsey played...NEVER MIND!!)
WHAT...NO GET OUT OF JAIL CARD FOR LINDSEY?
The judge finally had enough and sentenced Lindsey Lohan to 90 days in jail.  If these are like Paris Hilton days, it'll only be about 4 weeks. 
OH BUT WAIT...Lindsey had a little "UP YOURS," she HOPED to keep secret.  She had written a nasty little epithet on her fingernail...the middle one, of course...that was captured on a close-up photo.  Once the judge finds out about THIS, it is expected that the Mean Girl's sentence will be upped a bit, too.  You upped the ante, Lindsey now it looks like the judge might UP YOURS!

I'LL TAKE AGING ROCK STARS FOR 500, ALEX...WHAT IS WHAM? 
That's the sound GEORGE MICHAEL'S car made when it slammed into that LONDON SHOP! 

Once again, the aging rocker is in trouble...this time it's 'OPERATING A VEHICLE WHILE UNFIT.'  That is the charge after he crashed his car into a shop in London.  I guess SOMEBODY didn't remember to WAKE YOU UP BEFORE YOU GO GO!

IT'S DUMBRELLA TIME...IT'S RAINING STUPID...DON'T GET ANY ON YOU!!
In Illinois, Governor Quinn said everybody in the state will have to BIT THE BULLET AND LEARN TO DO WITH LESS...meanwhile he GAVE HIS STAFF A 20% RAISE!! 
THAT'S whatcha call being in touch with the PEOPLE.

Pennsylvania is another cash-strapped state but somehow they came up with TEN MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE ARLEN SPECTOR LIBRARY!?!  REALLY?  The ARLEN SPECTOR LIBRARY? 

NASA'S MISSION?
Here is the ORIGINAL MISSION OF THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION:
"NASA's mission is to pioneer the future in space exploration, scientific discovery and aeronautics research"
That MAKES SENSE...it is the SPACE Administration, after all, right? 

But NOT ANY MORE...apparently, we have to MAKE THE MUSLIMS FEEL GOOD. 
That is according to the new administrator, Charles Bolden...which he claims are direct orders from Barack Obama.  We are to improve relations with the Muslim world and make them feel good about their contributions to math and science. 
Ok, so algebra...good job...now what do you want some PROZAC?  We're supposed to make people feel better about themselves who think by KILLING innocent Americans and Westerners, they will get 72 virgins in heaven?  We're supposed to soothe their little feelings...boost their self esteem?  Send Stuart Smalley over there and let 'em look in a mirror and say, "Doggone it...I LIKE ME!" 

But let's let NASA bet back to SPACE!!  (And THAT guy is a SENATOR now...way to go Minnesota!  Aren't you proud!)


YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
Dolly Madison's favorite flavor of ice cream was OYSTER! Mmmmm...bet that goes well with...ah...
cocktail sauce and crackers?

SEE YE NEXT TIME.
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                                            HOPE YOUR 4TH WAS A GOOD ONE!
                               Now BACK TO THE GRIND!!  NO MORE HOLIDAYS TILL LABOR DAY!!

NOW THAT'S GLOBAL WARMING!!
Temperatures are expected to rock all along the east coast this week...at or near 100 as far north as New York and Boston.  So, NOW, if you want to talk about GLOBAL WARMING...go ahead...it makes sense now...although, there WAS SNOW IN NEW HAMPSHIRE just last week...

SPEAKING OF NEW YORK...TODAY'S BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION
Experts say this is quickly becoming a serious threat to movie-goers in New York City.  What threat is that?
NO, it's not having LADY GAGA show up and flip everybody off...see the answer below.

SPEAKING OF THE LADY...AND I USE THE TERM LOOSELY...
"LADY" GAGA has just become the first LIVING PERSON to surpass the 10,000,000 mark in Facebook Fans.  THAT shows you how our tastes have deteriorated, huh?

Only Michael Jackson's page has more fans...I have to agree with Jerry Seinfeld, "You drop one A and she's LADY GAG!"  Have you ever known of a more "MANUFACTURED"  celebrity than this?

HIGH-PROFILE VISITORS...THE QUEEN IS IN NY...HOPE SHE DOESN'T GO TO THE MOVIES...

And Benjamin Netanyahu visits the White House...I suspect he'll get a MUCH KINDER WELCOME than he received LAST TIME.  Then he was told the meeting was over and he was NOT invited to dinner...how rude.

N. A. S. A.  NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION, RIGHT?
Apparently, it's not a NEW MISSION...AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHY!!  Be sure to watch the 5 MINUTE VIDEO above to find out more about it and why Bill Clinton justified joining the KKK.  WHAAAAAA? 

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
Apparently the new threat to movie-goers is BED BUGS!!  They have become epidemic in the city, infesting some hotels...and not just the seedy ones...as well as some homes.  SOOOOOO, if you pay $10 for a ticket, $8 for popcorn and a 55-gallon drum of soda and $5 for a small bag of M&Ms and you sit for 2 hours, or more, you run the risk of those little devils sucking a little more blood from you.  Have fun.

That's it.
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GREAT DEALS ON AIRFARE...IF YOU WANNA STAND UP...BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...
Ryan Air, the Irish budget airline now has STAND-UP FLIGHTS...for only $7.50...yep, seven dollars and 50 cents.  There are "stand-up seats" to make it A LITTLE more comfortable...oh, and if you need to use the 'facilities' you pay another $1.50. 
Something tells me an ADULT DIAPER kiosk would do some pretty good business there...

MORE AIRPLANE ICK!
A US Air flight from Atlanta has to return to gate after takeoff when MAGGOTS started falling from the overhead bin.  Apparently, somebody left some RAW MEAT in the bin and...well..you know what happens when you leave raw meat...yep, you get MAGGOTS. 
So, add THAT to you list of vacation horror stories.  MAGGOTS ON A PLANE!!
Don't they TELL you before you leave the plane to make sure all seat backs and tray tables are in their full and upright positions and to check the pockets and overhead bins for ROTTING MEAT?  And WHO takes raw meat on a PLANE, anyway?  Does that pass security?

REAL DEALS?  GOT TO AIRTRAN.COM
CLICK THAT->  airtran.com
Book by Tuesday for ALL AIRTRAN destinations under $100!  Go, there's NOTHING STOPPING YOU!

YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER QUESTION
Survey of women found that the number ONE buzz killer for the day is an argument with the significant other.  Second is a bad day at work.  What is the NUMBER THREE buzz killer for a woman's day?  Find out below:

ALPHA'S 5MMV ABOVE
Watch the video and get out your DUMBRELLA!  Vampires, Congress, Al Gore and other things that involve sucking...AND WATCH YOUR CHAKRA!

HEARTS GO OUT TO FORMER NFL QUARTERBACK

Former Philadelphia Eagle QB, Randall Cunningham lost his 4 year-old son this week.  The little boy drowned in a hot tub.  So sad...there was a friend of ours several years ago who lost a little girl the same way.  Having sat with them and by her side till her death, I know that the Cunningham family is going through and I have nothing but heartfelt sympathy and love for them.  Cunningham and his wife now pastor a church in Las Vegas. I hope their faith can guide them through this difficult time.


YOUR BRAIN STRETCHER ANSWER
Number THREE buzz-killer for the day for women?  JEANS WON'T FIT.  Yeah, I know how you feel, honey!   I HATE IT when those jeans SHRINK!!

See ya next time.
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