HOLY IRANIAN NUKES, BATMAN, WE'VE GOT TO SAVE GOTHAM!
French President, Nicolas Sarkozy and POTUS, Barack Obama are taking on IRAN.  The two countries are lockstep in stopping Iran from getting a NUCLEAR WEAPON.  Many say it's TOO LATE. After all we've been warning them of DIRE CIRCUMSTANCES for HOW MANY YEARS, NOW?  And Iran has treated every threat like the French Taunter in "The Holy Grail." www.youtube.com/watch
"Now go away before I taunt you a second time." 

OH, BRAIN EXPANDER...
Of those Americans so do this, nearly half (48%) do it AFTER they go to bed.  What is it?  See the answer below.

DRILL BABY DRILL!
WHAT?  Was that Barack Obama, who said that?  He's promised to open offshore areas on the East Coast and in the Gulf of Mexico for OIL EXPLORATION!  Is that the same guy who vowed to keep those areas OFF LIMITS to drilling? 
WHAT CHU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?  There is something odd here.  The seismic shift in position makes this a real head-shaker.  What's going on?  There has got to be a quid pro quo here.  Is there some sort of trade off for support for the Cap and Trade bill?  Me thinks so.

OK, IT IT JUST ME? 
Is anyone else getting the suspicion that Sandra Bullock married AN IDIOT?  Hopefully, she is, too.  The latest photo of her husband, Jesse James doing a Hitler salute is just another little piece of evidence. 

Does ANYBODY else find this guy attractive?  Sure, not NOW but even before...what was the big deal? Oh...a BIG DEAL...I see...

OHHHH...OH NO SHE DI-ENT!!

(From the London Daily Mail)
This woman Hissa Hilal really stepped out on a limb by BLASTING HARD-LINE CLERICS in Saudi Arabia...ON LIVE TV.  The show is a sort of Arabic "X-Factor." 

"Wearing a black burkha, mother-of-four Hissa Hilal delivered a blistering poem against Muslim preachers 'who sit in the position of power' but are 'frightening' people with their fatwas, or religious edicts, and 'preying like a wolf' on those seeking peace."

"Her poem got loud cheers from the audience last week and won her a place in the competition's final on April 7.  It also brought her death threats, posted on several Islamic militant websites"...of course...

But you know, the way she's dressed...how could anybody IDENTIFY HER?  I guess that burqua does have its advantages. 

BRAIN EXPANDER:
48% of Americans CHECK THEIR FACEBOOK or TWITTER AFTER they go to bed.  Mmm...are we THAT addicted?

And since UK studies found that syphilis is on the rise due to FACEBOOK...it's rather obvious that some people are checking in BEFORE they go to bed, too. 

That's it.  Later.
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                                                         For Alpha's 5 Minute Morning Show. GO TO:
www.youtube.com/watch

WISHING ALL OUR JEWISH FRIENDS AN EASY FAST

It's Passover for Jews and Holy week as we lead up to Easter Sunday, the holiest of Christian Holidays.  So sad to see that some choose it as a good time to KILL.  Two Muslim women in Moscow, Russia boarded a subway and blew themselves up and at least 37 others during rush our this morning. 
NO religion should dictate or even SUGGEST to its adherents that they kill themselves and any number of innocents...period, end of story. 

OH, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING TO JUMP START THE BRAIN?
When you first marry and you do this with your spouse, you do it for about 40 minutes EACH TIME.  As  time goes on, however, you spend less time at it.  Eventually you spend only about 15 minutes when you do it.  What is it?  Answer will be at the bottom of today's blog.

I SWEAR, OFFICER, I WAS TRYING TO REVIVE THE POSSUM!

Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a days old dead road-kill opossum along a highway. State police Trooper, Jamie Levier, in Punxsutawney, said several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday afternoon. Officers say Wolfe was using mouth to mouth resuscitation on the animal and appeared to conducting a séance. 
Well he was either giving the possum mouth to mouth or he was French kissing the thing...and if caught in THAT situation, of the two options, I'd choose the CPR excuse, too...he wasn't THAT drunk. 
We'd better not hear him complain that the POSSUM JUST LAID THERE!!


AH, EXCUSE ME, IS THAT YOUR HAND?
Let there be no further doubt about the relationship between Gerard Butler and Jennifer Anniston.  I mean THAT'S a rather familiar pose, just to be "FRIENDS." The two were in Paris over the weekend promoting their movie, "The Bounty Hunter."  While the two officially posed for pictures, one photographer, standing behind them found the real story.  Butler had his hand on Jen's butt crack so far, it's amazing you couldn't see his hand popping out the front.
Jen's not saying "BAD TOUCH," so she must not mind.  I mean I couldn't get away with that...COULD I?

A LOCAL HERO!
This is "TINY."  He is an employee at Stone Mountain Park and drives THE DUCK.  It's a WWII-era amphibious vehicle that drives around the park and into the lake giving park visitors a fun tour of the park and its sites.  Tiny was featured in "Undercover Boss" and was quite the character.  The CEO of Hershend Family Entertainment, Joel Mamby, masqueraded as John Briggs and made his way around corporate properties doing the grunt work that park employees do EVERY DAY.  Mamby learned a lot and so did some of the employees who touched him and us.  It's a WAY more productive REALITY SHOW than, "Jersey Shore" or any of the DATING disasters.  You get to see real people, doing real jobs with real dedication and purpose.  Tiny got promoted to being a trainer of other parks in the family.  Another employee got financial assistance to rebuild his home.  Another got a raise and help furnishing a home.  Other employees moved Mamby to initiate on site child care, expanded scholarship efforts. 
Good show, with a  good message.

BRAIN EXPANDER...
At the beginning of a marriage spouses spend 40 minutes doing this but as time goes on the time dwindles to just 15 minutes...what is it?

ANSWER: DINNER CONVERSATION

Later
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

OH, LOOK...ANOTHER FAN OF OUR NEW HEALTH CARE BILL

He calls the new plan "a miracle."  Well, now THAT'S the kind of endorsement I've been waiting to hear!!  I feel a LOT better about it, now...how 'bout you? 

OH  GREAT...NOW SOCIAL SECURITY is paying out more than it's taking it...HOW WE GONNA FIX THAT?  We'll just throw a few more IOUs in the pot, how about that?  Oh, we're out of them, too? 
Social Security TRUST FUND?  It's filled with IOU's.  WHY?  Cause the criminals in Congress have been TAKING THAT MONEY FOR YEARS AND WASTING IT ON PET PROJECTS, ENTITLEMENTS, AND GIVEAWAYS. 
When Social Security was first introduced, the government PROMISED that it would NEVER take more than 3% of your income...well..THAT was broken...and then, they promised that the SSN would NEVER be used for identification...how many times have you had to give your SSN for school, banking, utilities...the list goes on and on...
And now that the "lock box," as Al Gore called it, has been picked and plundered, how long before every promise about health care is broken, right along with the funding? 

OH, AND NOW FOR ANOTHER DESPICABLE CHARACTER...

USAMA BIN LADEN, seen here in healthier days...in a new audio, has a new threat for America.  He says if we convict and execute Kalid Shiek Mohammed, then he will order that more Americans be killed.  So, when did he STOP ordering that Americans be killed?  What's new about that?  
You murderous, terrorist, soulless warthog from Hell, that is all you've ever done.  Capture and kill or bomb and kill...so you think we're going to cower NOW?  

COUNTRY GOING TO POT?  LITERALLY?
WASHINGTON DC considering allowing residents to grow their own medical marijuana.  GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE TO BE...
Suddenly a lot of people with a touch of glaucoma are moving to DC...what a coincidence!!  Even Marion Berry is rethinking his retirement from Congress...

California on the other hand is making NO PRETENSE...they could be voting in LEGAL RECREATIONAL USE.  
Wait a minute...isn't this the state that has made it illegal in most places to SMOKE A CIGARETTE IN OPEN SPACES?  
So, cigarette second hand smoke bad...must be banned.  But POT, contact high...BONUS.

FACEBOOK THE NEW TOILET SEAT?

Remember when the old excuse for getting a sexually transmitted disease was, "I got it from a TOILET SEAT!?!"
Well, now, your excuse is, I got it from my computer...FACEBOOK, to be more precise...but you can brush that little tidbit aside, especially if your significant other is computer illiterate.   No, really honey, it's one of those new computer viruses...could be one of those trojan viruses.  

My old comic friend, Ted Norkey used to say,  "My girlfriend kicked me out...you come home with one venereal disease...I told her I got it from a toilet seat....so now I don't have a place to live because TOILET SEAT won't let me move in with HER."

SEATTLE SCHOOL...ABORTION CLINIC?
A 15 year-old girl goes to school in Seattle; feels bad; goes to the school nurse; takes a pregnancy test; it's positive, so the nurse counsels the girl not to tell her parents.  The SCHOOL then makes an appointment at a "family planning" clinic and puts the girl in a cab.  At the clinic, the girl is advised again not to tell her parents.  Clinic employee says, if you tell your parents, they will have to pay.  If you don't the abortion will be free.   So, the girl has the procedure and the cab returns her to school...done and done... HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN IN THIS COUNTRY?
You can't even get an ASPIRIN at school without written permission but they'll call a CAB for you , get you an abortion, and have you back in time to catch the bus home?  THAT'S what our SCHOOLS are doing?  WOW!!  What did you do at school, honey?"  "Oh, nuthin...had a math quiz, did a science project, got an abortion...stuff like that."
There's something WRONG here!!!

A LITTLE WORK FOR THE BRAIN?
According to a British study, if you're a woman and you have this, you're more likely to be neat, clean and organized.  What is it that makes you so efficient?

Answer: RED HAIR!

A British cleaning-product company reports that a survey of cleanliness habits suggests red haired women are the most organized. Officials with the cleaning company Vileda said middle-aged redheaded females who work retail jobs are the cleanest demographic around the house, while brown-haired males between the ages of 19-21 were said to be the messiest,  Researchers found redheaded female respondents spent an average 7.48 hours cleaning each week, while blondes spent about 6.13 hours cleaning up, grey-haired women spent 7.41 hours and brunettes tidied their homes for 5.85 hours. Vileda said women dedicate an average 20 more minutes than men cleaning each week.  
http://tinyurl.com/keepingitclean


MEET WHISPER DIANA CALDWELL
 
Her momma?  Our own Christy Henry.  Mom, Dad-Matt and little Whisper are doing beautifully.  Our love and best wishes to the new little family.

HEALTH CARE...MORE CRAZY CRAP COMING OUT OF THAT.
Ok, the FIX is not fixed, so to fix the fix, the bill now has to go back to the House of Representatives whose original fix fixed nothing.  The Republicans are fixing to unfix the original non-fixes and fix it so even the new fixes don't fix things.  Got that?  Sorry, I can't fix it.

NOW THREATS OF VIOLENCE?
Some Democrat Congressmen are reporting that they have been threatened, and in some case experienced acts of vandalism.  Whoever is responsible, if guilty, should be punished to the fullest extent of the law...no questions.  But who is really responsible?  Putting on my best Oliver Stone voice...Whose best interest is served, you think, by these sorts of acts and accusations?  Not saying, just saying.  I would like a full FBI investigation and I would NOT be surprised to find some Democrat sympathizers behind some of the acts.  It benefits the left for the story to be: Opposition to the Health Care Bill are VIOLENT, RACIST, THUGS.  How better to resist the backlash to this bill come November elections?


MY CENSUS...STALKING MEL...AM I A PEICE OF MEAT?
Before I got my Census Form, you wrote me EVERY DAY.  Now that you've gotten what you want, you never call, you never write...I feel so CHEAP!

THE OTHER ST. PETERSBURG...THE ONE IN RUSSIA...KILLED BY ICE?

Yesterday we talked about the Junkie monkey in St. Pete FL, now in St. Pete RUSSIA there's the attack of the killer ICICLES! Yeah, Russia had its coldest winter in 30 years...damn global warming...so these huge icicles are forming and with a spring thaw, they are falling off buildings and whacking people on the sidewalk.  5 people killed and 147 injured.  If you get whacked by a falling icicle, it's just your time to go...

TIGER?  REALLY? 

Tiger...ANOTHER ONE? Now another porn star has come forward to confess to having wild jungle love with the golf star.  She claims these sessions were wild threesoms.  Man, Tiger...how many does that make?  Enough holes for a full round?  Did you sign your score card?  It's not an official round till you do, ya know.  Why don't you just save yourself some grief and present a list...at least as complete a list as you can come up with...

YOU GOT THE CLAP FROM WHAT?  FACEBOOK? 

And then this...a British researcher says syphilis is on the rise in England and the reason?  FACEBOOK!!  Facebook is spreading syphilis. I THOUGHT SO.  I knew whenever I was on and chatting, it BURNED WHEN I HIT THE LETTER P.  Soon as  I hit P... ow...it burns. 
The rationale is, people are hooking up for sex on FB...many, why didn't I think of that?  As soon as I get done here, my Facebook status will say, ok, who wants to have sex?  WITH ME!  STOP LAUGHING!!
Let me know... just gotta be sure to chat without using the P. 

BRAIN?
What is the one beauty item men most often "BORROW" from their wives or girlfriends?

Answer:  TWEEZERS!!  Gotta pluck those mono brows!!!

That's it...later.

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NOTHING ABOUT HEALTH CARE TODAY...EXCEPT THIS...
There is certainly enough about the new health care bill to be utterly confusing.  So, as to avoid further obfuscation...I shall mention only this...
If you like to tan, you are in for a surprise.  You're going to help pay for the health care bill.  Your tanning sessions are now subject to a 10% TAX.  BOOWAAHAHAHA BOOWAAHAHAHA!
Betcha didn't know THAT, did ya?  SURPRISE!!   There may be some bigger bills coming to your dining table, too.  Restaurants will have to provide health care for their waitstaff, bartenders, etc.  Sooo...in order to pay for THAT, you'll see menu prices go up.  Hmm, since waitrons are now GETTING health care, and that USED TO BE an argument for their getting bigger tips, does this mean you can reduce the amount of tip you ordinarily pay?  Hmm? 

  WELL, THAT DOES IT...LOOKS LIKE THESE GUYS MAY BE VOTING REPUBLICAN FROM NOW ON!
        Snooki      and       The Situation
These guys are AVID tanners...guess THEY'LL be voting Republican.  Oh, don't know 'em?  They are characters from the reality show, "Jersey Shore."  They pretty much LIVE TO TAN... If you've never seen the show, you're probably better off. 

WHAT HAPPENED TO FREE SPEECH?
Don't know what you think about this woman...Ann Coulter...frankly, I think she could use a cheeseburger or two but that's beside the point.  The point is, even though she is outspoken, unapologetically conservative and controversial, she DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK, RIGHT?  Not in Ottowa, Canada.  You've got every right to disagree with her or any of her fellow entertainers who speak out on politics, like Rush Limbaugh or Bill Maher but do you have the right to show up as a mob and threaten harm?  I don't think so.  That is what happened.  She was invited by a student group to speak.  A crowd of an estimated 2000 showed up with "rocks and sticks," set off fire alarms and caused enough fear, that the event was canceled. 
If you DON'T like her, does that make you happy that this occurred?  Does it make you happy that dissenting views are shouted down, drowned out, threatened and frightened into cancellation?  It shouldn't.  This IS a free society...right?  We ARE still free to speak...especially when we're INVITED TO DO SO, RIGHT? 

RUN, FREE MONKEY, RUN!
In St. Pete, Florida there is a primate on the run.  He's a Rhesus macaque (monkey) and he's been loose for several months.  Nobody seems to know where he came from.  Speculation is, he's either escaped from a group of wild monkeys a hundred miles, or so away...OR he's gotten lose from an unlicensed...meaning illegal owner.  Either way, he's got his own Facebook Fan Page and a legion of fans cheering his ability to elude capture. 
The fear is some idiot will try to kill the little ape, who's very streetwise.  He apparently is aware of traffic and checks both ways before crossing thoroughfares.  He's even taken some hits from tranquilizer guns and is unfazed...so, he's a JUNKIE MONKEY?  If you're down that way, DO NOT try to coral the thing yourself...he's harmless UNLESS he's cornered and then can be pretty dangerous. 
For now RUN MONKEY, RUN.

BRAIN?
35% of Americans say they have shown up at work with THIS SITUATION with their clothes.  What situation is that?


Answer: They've shown up with THE PRICE TAG still attached to new clothes. 

Ever done that?  Hmm?

Later
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

...ANYBODY SHOW THE CALENDAR TO OLD MAN WINTER, YET?
The UN Committee on Climate Change says 2009 was the FIFTH warmest year ever.  That is compared to the average temperatures recorded between 1961 and 1990.  (Isn't that when Time magazine said we were in an ICE AGE?) Average temps in 2009 were just less than SIX TENTHS OF A DEGREE WARMER.  WHOA A WHOLE HALF A DEGREE?!?  Did ya feel THAT HEAT?
From were I was all winter I could have used that half a degree an a few more!!

FOR YOUR BRAIN:
Radio City Music Hall in New York City handles about 600 pounds of this each month....

Answer at the end of this report:

MOST POWERFUL WOMAN IN 100 YEARS?
BOOWAHAHAHAHAHA...BOOOOWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA...BOWAHAHAHAHAHA...
Because of her incredible ability to beat, coax and prod her way to a legislative victory on health care, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi is being called the most powerful woman in the last 100 years. There is no doubt, she threw here weight and power around to bring that once moribund bill to life.   Like Dr. Frankenstein, she dug it up, stitched it together in a hidden room and energized it...and now IT'S ALIVE...IT'S ALIVE!
And like the good Doctor, she's not too popular for her efforts...niether is Igor...er...Senator Harry Reid.
As you can see by the CBS News Poll below, only 11% view the Speaker favorably, while a paltry 8% have a good opinion of Majority Leader Reid. 

Of course, only 31% have ANY OPINION AT ALL of Senator Reid...and just over half for Speaker Pelosi.
But each is seen unfavorably by about three times as many people. 
Doesn't it seem to you that "I Don't Know," "Undecided" and "Haven't heard enough, yet." are pretty much the same?  They could separate some of those out by adding another category or two, like: "I' don't know because I'm a total idiot," or "I am just too self absorbed to really care." 

JUST WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW WITH THIS HEALTH CARE BILL?
As of NOW, there are legal actions in place or are being prepared against the Federal Government.
States that have agreed to sue the federal government over the constitutionality of President Barack Obama's health care overhaul:

Texas
Alabama,
Florida,
South Carolina,
Nebraska, 
North Dakota,
South Dakota
Pennsylvania,
Utah
Washington
Virginia

Virginia's attorney general, Kenneth Cuccinelli, said on Monday that Congress lacks authority under its constitutional power to regulate interstate commerce to force people to buy insurance. He said the bill also conflicts with a state law that says Virginians cannot be required to buy insurance.

WHAT ABOUT FOR YOU?
Here are ten benefits which come online within six months of the President's signature on the health care bill:
1. Adult children may remain as dependents on their parents’ policy until their 27th birthday
2. Children under age 19 may not be excluded for pre-existing conditions
3. No more lifetime or annual caps on coverage
4. Free preventative care for all
5. Adults with pre-existing conditions may buy into a national high-risk pool until the exchanges come online. While these will not be cheap, they’re still better than total exclusion and get some benefit from a wider pool of insureds.
6. Small businesses will be entitled to a tax credit for 2009 and 2010, which could be as much as 50% of what they pay for employees’ health insurance.
7. The “donut hole” closes for Medicare patients, making prescription medications more affordable for seniors.
8. Requirement that all insurers must post their balance sheets on the Internet and fully disclose administrative costs, executive compensation packages, and benefit payments.
9. Authorizes early funding of community health centers in all 50 states (Bernie Sanders’ amendment). Community health centers provide primary, dental and vision services to people in the community, based on a sliding scale for payment according to ability to pay.
10. AND no more rescissions. Effective immediately, you can't lose your insurance because you get sick.

You're gonna start PAYING NOW...but the rest of the stuff won't happen till 2014...that is, assuming the money won't be spent on something else...

FOR YOUR BRAIN:
ANSWER:  Radio City Music Hall in New York City, removes about 600 pounds of this each
month...

Gum stuck on the bottom of their seats!

Nice, huh? 

Later
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

HOW BOUT A LITTLE SLAP FOR THE BRAIN?
55% of Americans actually have one of THESE in their cars.  What do they have?  The answer is at the end of today's report.

DOES ANYBODY ELSE THINK THIS IS A LITTLE WERID?
In the past few weeks, there have been EARTHQUAKES in Haiti, Cuba, Guatemala, and Fiji (and according to Barack Obama, in Hawaii...HUH?).  There have also been volcanoes erupting in South America and Greenland...
Ya think the globe is a little restless?  Just seems to be an awful lot of activity in a short time...maybe it's just me.


HELLO HEALTH CARE, GOODBYE BIPARTISANSHIP!
 
 
SCENES FROM THE WEEKEND...
And the winner is?  Well...we're not sure.  Jury is still out on whether the Democrats will truly benefit from their backroom dealings, sweetheart offers, and really creative accounting. 
The swing votes from so-called Pro-Life Democrats, led by Bart Stupak from Michigan made the difference and put the Senate version of the Health Care bill over the top.  This group of holdouts was swayed by an EXECUTIVE ORDER signed by Barack Obama.  It PROMISES to keep any federal funds going to pay for elective abortions.  It's a PINKY PROMISE by the president, which, most legal scholars will tell you, is worth about as much as the promise not to raise taxes by ONE SINGE DIME. 
DONE DEAL, THOUGH...

An elated Speaker, Nancy Pelosi pulled off an impressive feat.  Quite a display of political dexterity and a disgusting look into the what politics really is.  After the bill was written off for dead, she marshaled the support, twisted arms, made promises, made threats and turned enough screws to get her fellow Democrats to lay their credibility, character and futures on the line.  The SENATE bill is now law.  That means all the ROTTEN STUFF in it, including the Cornhusker Kickback, the Louisiana Purchase, the Gator-Aid plan and several other sweetheart deals made to Connecticut, Montana and Tennessee ARE STILL IN THERE.  NOW....the Democrats promised they would NOT be in there based on the "FIX-IT" bill passed immediately after the vote for the original bill.  THIS BILL relies on the SENATE to fix the things that the House finds objectionable.  BUT...the Senate does not have to do ANYTHING on this bill.  There will be amendments, changes, tweaks and it may end up bearing no resemblance to the intent of the House. 
THERE ARE SOME WINNERS...
Children with catastrophic illnesses CANNOT be denied coverage.  Adults cannot claim the same benefit until the plans take effect IN FOUR YEARS.  Parents can keep their 26 year-old COLLEGE STUDENTS on their plan.  I an sure most parents are ready to kick their TWENTY-SIX YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENTS OFF THEIR FINANCIAL TEAT.  Twenty six and still in college?  Get your butt out there and get a job!!

LET THE LAWSUITS BEGIN
As soon as the president signs the bill, 38 states are poised to fight the legislation and some have already drafted their suits.  The basis is Americans are forced to buy something they may not want to buy...that, they argue is a violation of the US Constitution. 

WHAT PUZZLES ME...
Is the ADAMANT, RADICAL insistence by some on the left that WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ABORTIONS.  There is no moral or logical justification to insist that my tax dollars pay for an elective abortion.  Even if you favor abortion...there no rationale that says SOMEBODY ELSE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

OH, AND DON'T FORGET THE NCAA
The NCAA Basketball Tournament is still going.  You may have heard a strange sound Saturday afternoon.  it was the collective shout, "FREAKIN' NORTHERN IOWA!!" followed by the trashing and flushing of millions of brackets.  On the losing end of that game was KANSAS...the number ONE overall seed and favorite to win it all...even picked by President Obama...
Now we're down to the Sweet 16 and three of those teams are CINDERELLAS.  That means they are teams that were not expected to make it this far...Cornell, Northern Iowa and St. Marys.  Wouldn't it be something if one, two or ALL THREE made it to the Final Four?  The odds against that are astronomical but...wouldn't it be sweet? 

TIGER GIVES INTERVIEWS

In preparation for The Masters, Tiger Woods granted 5-minute interviews to several news outlets...anybody who wanted to ask questions could...ask anything...just don't expect answers to everything.  Fair enough.  He did answer. "That is between Elin and me." And he's entitled to that. He did say, once he returns to the tour, he hopes to "HEAR THE CLAPS." 
After what he's done, it's better to HEAR the claps than GET the claps...don't you think? 

ANSWER:
Answer: 55% of Americans have a ROLL OF TOILET PAPER in the car...you just never know...ya know?

IT COULD ALL BLOW UP THIS WEEKEND!!
Health care debate finally coming to a close?  Well there is promised to be a vote on Sunday over the bill that will change our country forever.  It will alter the way we get and pay for medical care AND...it will put ALL STUDENT LOANS in the hands of the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!

I'm not so sure I want the GOVERNMENT deciding whether or not I can go to college, much less where, what kind and from whom I get my medical care, do you?
We'll see on Sunday if this is the face of the Democrats... 


Or if it's more like this:



SOME EXTRA COSTS...YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT...

Current assigned collection bureau of the heath reform bill: IRS

Number of IRS agents scheduled to be hired to enforce health reform bill: 12,000

The Ways and Means report portrays healthcare reform as having a wide-ranging impact on how the IRS operates, including:

* IRS agents would be tasked with determining whether Americans had obtained the insurance coverage required under the individual mandate.

* Individuals could be fined $2,250 or 2 percent of income, whichever is greater, if you are unable to prove you have "minimum essential coverage."

* The IRS would be empowered to confiscate tax refunds if necessary.

* Audits may increase as a result of the legislation's new requirements.

* The budget for IRS operations will balloon by $10 billion in the next decade in order to administrate the new program.

* Nearly half of the new individual mandate taxes will be paid "by Americans earning less than 300% of poverty, $66,150 for a family of four.

http://newsmax.com/InsideCover/Obamacare-Democrats-healthcare-IRS/2010/03/18/id/353209

-

Americans for Tax Reform today released the following "By the Numbers" breakdown of ObamaCare:

The number of new tax increases in the healthcare bill: 19

The number of tax increases that unquestionably violate President Obama’s pledge not to raise any form of taxes on families making less than $250,000:  7

The tax increase over the first decade if the healthcare bill becomes law:
$497 billion

The top federal tax rate on wages and self-employment earnings under this bill: 43.4%

The annual tax hike for every man, woman, and child in America: $165

The top federal tax rate on early distributions from HSAs under this bill: 59.6%

The most parents of special-needs kids can save tax-free for tuition in FSAs (currently, the amount is unlimited): $2500

I wonder if any of THIS is added into the CBO estimate of costs and benefits?

OH, did you know that the IRS has also ordered a load of LAW ENFORCEMENT-STYLE SHOTGUNS?  Yeah, I wonder if that's so the can take over this job?  Hmmm?

JUST ONE OTHER QUESTION...
Why do you suppose the US would change its mind and DENY Israel a shipment of bunker-buster missiles?  While we've screwed around and let Iran develop NUCLEAR WEAPONS, continue to taunt us and flaunt so-called sanctions, and promised the destruction of Israel...we're telling our FRIENDS that we're not going to provide them with a weapon to defend themselves against this threat?  That is a puzzle to me. 
This guy is a 12'er...one of the most radical of radical sects of Islam.  He believes that the messiah, the 12th IMAM, the Madhi lives in a well right now.  Yeah, in a well.  The Madhi is awaiting a time to return...WHEN THE WORLD IS IN CHAOS... to smite all the infidels...non believers...NON MUSLIMS...and create a Muslim world.  These 12ers WANT that to happen.  They WANT THE SAVIOR TO RETURN AND CREATE A MUSLIM WORLD NOW!!  What better way to hasten that event, and create CHAOS than to try to blow up Israel?   And we're mollifying this guy and distancing our friend?  Curious...and dangerous.  In my opinion.

That's it...later.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

JUST SNEAK IT THROUGH...NOBODY WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE...JUST KEEP SMILING!!

IT WOULD BE FUNNY, IF IT WEREN'T SO SERIOUS...
The DEEM AND PASS effort, also known as the Slaughter Rule, after Congresswoman Slaughter, Chair of the Rules Committee did not just happen quietly.  No, people actually KNEW what was going on...and they were not happy about it. 
Under this rule, the Congress and just DEEM that the bill has passed by voting for the RULE...the Slaughter Rule.  That way, no Congressman would have to actually put his NAME on the passage of the unpopular bill.  As House Speaker Pelosi (the one grinning on the right) put it...no lawmaker would be suffer politically for supporting the bill.  OH...SO, YOU COULD PASS IT AND BLAME SOMEBODY ELSE!!  I SEE.
Cowards...every one of 'em. 
Tomorrow the trash is supposed to be on the curb...I think I'll just DEEM it out there, so I don't have to get up and take it out.  And then, I'll go to the bank and tell them, you can't bounce my checks any more, because I DEEM the money to be there.  Let's see how that works.

THERE'S OIL DOWN THERE...AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET THEM HAVE IT?
The Obama Administration is poised to BAN OFFSHORE OIL DRILLING TILL 2012.  That means that, even though there are VAST reserves of oil and natural gas just offshore of our great, massive coast lines, this White House bows to ENVIRONMENTAL INTERESTS and says, CAN'T TOUCH THIS.
You know who says SCREW YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL INTEREST? China and now Russia.  AND THEY ARE TAKING IT FROM THE GULF OF MEXICO!! Yeah, the one that reaches from Florida, all the way around Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana and Texas...that one!!  China has begun the process of taking oil through an agreement with Cuba and Russia is all set the do the same thing.  Drilling for oil not 90 miles from our own shores.  AND...they are drilling diagonally and actually sucking the oil from under OUR TERRITORIAL WATERS.
Meanwhile, we're going to wait till GREENER resources come along...we're going to live off SUNSHINE and continue to buy oil from OPEC nations who give money to terrorist groups like al Qaeda and Hamas, so they can keep killing people like us!  Aren't we brilliant? 

SO...YA WANNA  GET AWAY?  A CRUISE, MAYBE? 
Check out the A-SAVERS from AIR TRAN AIRWAYS:


airtran.com
GO, there's NOTHING STOPPING YOU.

And finally, there's this...

HELLO, HONEY...CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR OSCAR...NOW MEET SKANKALICIOUS!
Fresh off her huge Oscar night, Sandra Bullock has to come home to reports that her husband, Jesse James has had a month-long affair with this woman...Michelle "Bombshell" McGee.  Nice, huh?  Apparently it went on while Bullock was filming "The Blind Side," the movie for which she won the Academy Award.  As a result, Sandra will not make the London debut of the movie and will miss that red carpet walk as the OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS.  She will be, we assume, too busy beating Jesse's A**!!
This is not Jesse's first foray into skankdom, he was previously married to a PORN STAR. 
OK, ladies...wouldn't THAT be a deal-breaker in a budding relationship?  You were married to a WHAT? Really?  Well, look at the time...I must be going...let's have lunch sometime...don't call me...I'll call you.

OK, READY BRAIN?
These were originally developed as torture devices in the 1800's. Today many people use them daily. What are they?

Answer:

Treadmills

If you ask me, they STILL ARE!!

OOOOKAAAAYYYY...HERE IT IS...KELLY'S ACTING DEBUT!

Be sure to mark your calendars!!

Later!

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IN CASE YOU'RE HAVING AN IRISH COFFEE...HERE'S YOUR BRAIN ACTIVATOR:
On St. Patty's Day, if someone calls you a "CUTE HOOR," what does that make you, in Irish eyes, at least? 
See the answer at the bottom of this page:

CAN HEALTH CARE SUPPORTERS FIND THE POT OF GOLD?

House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi certainly is hoping to find that little leprechaun.   That pot of gold he's holding could help pay for maybe a week's worth of FEDERAL DEBT...OK, maybe an HOUR! 
By the way, some interesting little numbers on health care in the US vs Canada and the UK...
A recent "Investor's Business Daily" article provided statistics from a survey by the United  Nations International Health Organization.

Percentage of men and women who survived a cancer five years after diagnosis:
U.S.             65%
England       46%
Canada        42%

Percentage of patients diagnosed with diabetes who received  treatment within six months:
U.S.             93%
England       15%
Canada        43%

Percentage of seniors needing hip replacement who received it  within six months:
U.S.             90%
England       15%
Canada        43%

Percentage referred to a medical specialist who see one within one month:
U.S.             77%
England       40%
Canada        43%

Number of MRI scanners (a prime diagnostic tool) per million people:
U.S.             71
England       14
Canada        18

Percentage of seniors (65+), with low income, who say they are in "excellent  health":
U.S.             12%
England       2%
Canada        6%

Which system looks best to you?  Yeah...me too...


 
IS THE TIGER ROARING BACK?

Looks like Tiger Woods HAS confirmed that he will play in the Master's Tournament in Augusta this April.  The NY Post ran the cover with a photo of Tiger and wife, Elin.  It's the first time the two had been photographed together since...
OK, this one MAAAYYYYY be Photo-Shopped...maybe...
But tiger has said his therapy continues and he will work on his personal life as he returns to his professional life.  It will be interesting to see how he'll be received. 
I do know the Masters will be happy to see him back, as will all of golf...TV viewership-wise, that is.  Statistics show how interest and viewers drop off during tournament play when Tiger is no longer in the hunt. 

IS THIS SOME KIND OF BUST?
A woman was booked into a Seattle jail with an arrest for fraud and embezzlement.  Upon changing into her jail jumpsuit, it was discovered that she had $26G IN HER BRA!!  Twenty-six thousand dollars?  In her bra?  Even if it's all $100s, that's 260 bills!!  SOME BOOBY PRIZE....AH HA HAHAHa..ha.......ha...OH you shut up! 
My point is...how do you find room for THAT much cash in there?  I assume it was all bills..you don't suppose there were any coins, do you?  NAHHH!

WE HAVEN'T TURNED INTO AN ATHEIST DICTATORSHIP, YET...HAVE WE?
That is what they are wondering in Gilbert, Arizona.  The pastor of the Oasis of Truth Church would hold regular bible study and fellowship IN HIS HOME...that is until "an ordinance compliance officer" (read: some former safety patrol, cop wannabe) discovered the meeting and sited the pastor for running afoul of some Scottsdale City rule.  A zoning administrator told the church that Bible studies, church leadership meetings and fellowship activities are not permitted in private homes.  Whaaaaa?  REALLY?
A PRIVATE homeowner cannot hold PRIVATE BIBLE STUDY...IN HIS OWN HOME?  Wow!
The church is getting legal help to fight from the Alliance Defense Fund to fight the ban on Constitutional grounds. 
Wow...so, some WORK PLACES have had to install foot washing facilities for Muslims but one can't STUDY THE BIBLE IN HIS OWN HOME?  There is something wrong with that.

LADY GETS TO PARK CLOSE BECAUSE SHE'S FAT!
A Canadian woman sued her condo association because she petitioned to have the best parking spot in the lot because she's fat.  The woman, Marice Myrand, weighs nearly 400 lbs and she claims the condo association discriminated against her when she requested a certain parking spot.  She wanted that spot because it was the closest to the door and she was just too fat to walk to her other spot. That spot belonged to an older woman with a disability. But Marice claimed that her FATNESS trumped that woman's disability.  The association DISAGREED.  BUT...THEN CAME THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT!!  The Canadian Human Rights Commission ruled that the Marice WAS discriminated against and awarded her that parking spot AND leveled a $10,000 FINE against the condo complex!! 
Let me see...maybe it's just ME...but did anyone at the complex hold Marice down and MAKE HER BLIMP UP TO 400 LBS?  I mean SOMEWHERE AROUND 250...don't you think she could have said...I gotta put down the pie and take a walk?   I'm sorry the woman is a wee bit large...but come on, do we have to create special entitlements because she never met a souffle she didn't like? 
(And Leon is getting LAARR-GER!)

OF COURSE, NOT TO FORGET THE NEW JERSEY WOMAN...
Your remember Donna, the one who wants to weigh a HALF TON?  Here she is...
 
She's a mere 600 lbs now  but if she has her way, she'll reach her 1000 pound goal.  Her husband, by the way is all in favor of this extra woman.  He weighs just 150, himself.  But he admits to being a 'BELLY MAN!"  So are the men who pay to see her on her web site, apparently.  She says she jiggles that fat and it drives 'em all wild.  I'll just bet it does...

OK...for the record...if Donna CHOOSES to be that way, that is HER RIGHT TO DO SO.  BUT...IT IS NOT HER RIGHT TO RUIN HER HEALTH AND FOR US TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HER BILLS.  You wanna be gargantuan, that's one thing...you wanna be a drain on society...that's another.

ANSWER TO THE BRAIN ACTIVATOR:

You are being called a downright UNTRUSTWORTHY PERSON...generally a POLITICIAN!!


THAT'S IT...HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!!

STUDENTS PROTESTING CUTS IN THE GEORGIA UNIVERSITY SYSTEM
In a march by students on the Capitol in Atlanta, a young woman was carrying a sign that said, "YOUR NUTS FOR SUPPORTING CUTS."  You think she meant, I'M NUTS OR MY NUTS?  There is a difference!  Just as there is a difference between "your" and "you're," there is a difference between I'M nuts and MY nuts.  Then again, maybe she was making an even stronger point for the need for money for education.

TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS WOMAN YESTERDAY

Her name is Donna Simpson and she has a goal...she wants to be the fattest woman in the world.  She's well on her way, weighting 602 lbs now.  Already at THAT weight, she can't walk more than 20 feet at a time; has to have a scooter ride her around the grocery store for her weekly purchases of $750 worth of food per week and bemoans the fact that she can't play with her little girl as much as she'd like. 
Now, you can be as fat as you wanna be and be happy and God bless you but...do you have the means to TAKE ARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR MEDICAL PROBLEMS? 
On her way to reaching a half-ton, Donna eats 12,000 calories per day.  She love sushi, she says and eats as many as 70 PIECES AT A TIME. 
(OK, does GREENPEACE know about her?  She's systematically depleting the oceans...ALL BY HERSELF!)
She says, "I like to eat (duh) and people like to WATCH me eat."  WHAAAA? 
Yeah, I can't imagine that either but she's not lying.  Donna has a web site and WEIRD MEN...and maybe a few women...I don't know... PAY to watch her in a bikini, EATING ALL DAY.  The fatter she gets, the more they like it. 
This woman is killing herself, just because some perverts get off on seeing it...don't get me wrong...she's certainly party to the perversion but she's killing herself, nonetheless. 

AND I SUPPOSE IF HEALTH CARE PASSES, WE'LL HAVE TO FOOT THE BILL FOR HER INTENTIONAL, AND UNAVOIDABLE HEALTH CARE ISSUES?
In a few years, when her half ton frame is too much of a strain on her heart, kidneys and liver, are WE going to have to foot the bill for the fire department to come, cut the wall out of her bedroom and lift her out with a crane to get her to the hospital?  She's done this INTENTIONALLY...is it then OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE FOR HER?

SPEAKING OF HEALTH CARE...

Pelosi and friends may get the bill passed FINALLY by a procedure called "deem and pass."  Yeah, I never heard of it, either.  Pelosi says, "its more procedure oriented than people want to know about."  Really?  Maybe it's more procedure than YOU want people to know about?  She says, "I like it because would POLITICALLY PROTECT lawmakers, reluctant to support the measure."
If it's such a wonderful measure, why would you have to POLITICALLY protect those who support it? 

See, it's THIS kind of subversive, deceptive procedures that we've grown tired of.  What happened to openness and  transparency? 

READY BRAIN?
Got kids going on Spring Break?  Well, the odds of your precious little coed doing this at Panama City Beach this year is 1 in 34.48.  What is your precious little girl doing?

ANSWER:  Getting DRUNK to the point of throwing up every day!!

If you've got a son...he's twice as likely to do so, 1-17.86

Rest easy!!

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WHAT IS WITH THE JIHAD JANES?
TWO, seemingly normal women...one in Pennsylvania and this one from Colorado
have, apparently, converted to Islam and decided to declare JIHAD on America and anyone who insults Islam or Mohammed.
The two of them are involved in an assassination attempt on a Swiss CARTOONIST who drew an unflattering cartoon about Mohammed. 
So you're gonna KILL the guy?  OVER THAT?  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There have been PLENTY of insults thrown at Jesus but I don't know of any DEATH THREATS issued by or carried out by Christians OVER AN INSULT, do you?  You see, Jesus taught LOVE...FORGIVENESS...all qualities that seem to be FOREIGN to THESE BELIEVERS. 
The latest case...the woman from Colorado, Jamie (pictured above)...she has even allowed her SIX YEAR OLD SON to become radicalized and proclaim that Christians will and deserve to BURN IN HELL!
Is THAT the kind of thing one does to an innocent SIX YEAR OLD in a LOVING, PEACEFUL religion?  Seems like a contradiction to me. 

DID YOU GET SPRUNG?
Daylight Saving Time is here already...hope you heard about it!  You move your clock up?  Lose an hour of sleep? 
Just be careful...the Monday after time changes in spring and fall have a higher incidence of incidents...on the roads, that is.  Something about losing or gaining an hour's sleep makes a little crazier behind the wheel..as if we needed THAT!

IT'S THE IDES OF MARCH
For some reason, "Vehicle" keeps running through my head...get it?  Never mind...

PETER GRAVES...
Sadly, Peter Graves, famous for his role as Mr. Phelps in the TV version of "Mission Impossible"  and then the "Airplane" movies, has passed away...he was 83.  One of the most memorable lines in movie history..."Joey, do you like Gladiator movies?  Ever see a grown man naked?" 
R.I.P.

COME TO OUR CENSUS...
You'll be getting letters IN THE MAIL today telling you you'll be getting a letter in the mail!! That second letter will be the census form, asking you for certain information.  SOME lucky Americans will get the LONG form, asking for how many toilets are in the house; what time you leave for work; how far do you drive to work...information that SOME PEOPLE believe to more intrusive than necessary and beyond the scope of the purpose of the census and the CONSTITUTION. 

IS  THIS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD?
This woman, Donna Simpson of New Jersey has a goal...she wants to GAIN WEIGHT.  OK, that's your choice...good luck with that.  It's a free country.  BUT...she wants to weigh 1000 POUNDS so she can be declared the FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!

I hardly know what to say!  You WANT to weigh over a HALF TON?  You WANT to shorten your life by being MORBIDLY OBESE?  You WANT to have the fire department or EMT have to CUT THE SIDE OF YOUR HOUSE OUT AND BRING IN A CRANE TO LIFT YOU OUT OF YOUR BED, in case you have to be hospitalized?  Do you have insurance?  Are you able to afford your medical bills that will surely arise from your condition?  If not, just who are you depending on to PAY your medical bills?  Hmmm? 
GET REAL!!

GET REAL PART DUH!
Simon Cowell spent ONE MILLION DOLLARS ON THIS:

Bugatti Veyron.
Starting at $1 million dollars, the car is the fastest, most powerful and costliest production car ever made.
The top speed it has clocked in a test drive by a racing driver is 253mph which is a third of the speed of sound
Just 220 have been made, on an individual basis for each customer, in a factory in Alsace, north-west France.
Volkswagen, which owns the Bugatti brand, estimates there are only 6,000 people in the world wealthy enough to buy and run a Veyron. (ALL of 'em are idiots.)
It takes more than 400 hours to make a Veyron by hand. 
The Veyron weighs two tons
Volkswagen, which owns the Bugatti marque, estimates there are only 6,000 people in the world wealthy enough to buy and run a Veyron.  (IT'S A FREAKIN' VOLKSWAGEN? AHH HAHAHAHAHAHA! FARFEGNEUGEN!!!)
Apart from Cowell, Bugatti owners include Ralph Lauren, Tom Cruise and Jay Leno.
There are more than 40 Veyrons the US.
Most are in the hands of wealthy Russians and oil-rich Arabs. (Idiots)
0mph to 60mph in a shade under 2.5 seconds  (who needs to go that fast?)
15mpg in the city, but once you hit the straight away and open it up, the car will get only 2.5mpg.
At that speed with a 20 gallon gas tank, the car would run out of gas in 12 minutes. (AHHH HAHAHAHAHA!)
Probably the cheapest components of the car are the small titanium bolts that hold everything together. They cost $100 each.

It's official...he's an IDIOT!!!

OK, BRAIN:
Starting this week, in several Detroit office buildings, you may be charged and FINED for this.  For what offense can you be sited?

ANSWER: YOUR SMELL!!
City officials in Detroit say workers at three city buildings will soon have to monitor their scents or face possible warnings and fines. The Detroit News reported Sunday that signs will be put up in the three Detroit buildings detailing the new guidelines on employees' use of such scented items as cologne or perfume. The notices due at the Cadillac Square Building, Coleman A. Young Municipal Center and First National Building will also ask employees to refrain from using air fresheners and scented candles while on the job. The new regulations are the result of the city's settlement of a 2008 lawsuit filed by a city planner, who claimed she had breathing sensitivity due to a co-worker's perfume. Attorney Ann Curry Thompson, who represents city planner Susan McBride, said her client's lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act should be used as a model for other people who are having similar problems," Thompson told the News.

LATER.
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REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY?
OK the weather is supposed to be wet again today...maybe a bit more noisy and blustery...soooo...HEADLIGHTS ON WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING...GOT IT!  Good.

YOU KNOW THE GUYS I FEEL SORRY FOR IN WEATHER LIKE THIS?
Ever see those people who are standing alongside the streets and roads dressed as Uncle Sam, The Statue of Liberty or Mt. Rushmore (OK, I made THAT one up) waving and trying to get people to come into one of the several TAX PREPARATION offices?  (Like it's an IMPULSE move to just DROP in.)  I don't know how much they get paid but on days like the past couple and like today is forecast to be, I feel for those poor saps.  First of all, you're dressed ridiculously, second you've probably got friends who drive by and SEE you...for which you'll NEVER hear the end...and third the weather is not fit to stand in, even with the right gear.  Whatever they're paid, it's not enough. 
It's got to be humiliating...but if you find out how much it is, let me know...I could use a few bucks myself...I can be bought...probably for a lot cheaper than you think. 

I do remember driving on Holcomb Bridge Road one HOT SUMMER DAY a couple of years back...I'd just finished a rather annoying remote and was not in a good mood.   Then I  saw a guy, standing in the broiling sun, dressed as a HOT DOG waving at people and trying to get them to come in to some restaurant and suddenly, my day wasn't so bad.

NO INTERCOURSE, JUST HARD CONTACT?  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Ben Roethlisberger is the Super Bowl-winning quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He was recently charged with sexual assault on a 20 year-old co-ed.  The incident took place at the Capitol City Bar  in Milledgeville, Georgia. (Milledgeville was the ORIGINAL capitol of Georgia...a little history lesson for you and Ben apparently has a home there...for reasons unknown.)
Immediately upon hearing the accusations, presumably on the advice of his weasel attorney, Ben denied anything took place and hightailed it back to Pittsburgh.  NOW...after further reflection, Ben says he WAS with the woman and that there was, "hard contact" but "no intercourse took place."   MmmmKay...what do YOU suppose he means by HARD CONTACT?  Were they not playing with HELMETS?  Did he send her on a slant rout over the middle so she'd get creamed by the free safety?  WHAT? 
According to Ben, "there was contact and after that she slipped and hit her head."
MmmmKAAAAYYYY...does that sound like a 10 year-old trying to explain to his mom how the lamp got  broken? 
"I was in the other room...I wasn't anywhere NEAR the lamp.  When I walked in, it was already falling over and I couldn't stop it..."
According to reports, Ben was accompanied by a Steelers teammate, Willie Colon and two PA police officers.  Some witnesses say that some of his enterage would round up women and BRING THEM TO BIG BEN.  I don't know for sure about that or if the officers were STATE TROOPERS or not but how would you like THAT gig?   By DAY, I'm a crime fighting State Trooper but by NIGHT, I'm Ben Roethlisberger's NOOKIE BOOKIE. 
While that investigation is on going, BIG BEN is currently being sued by a Las Vegas woman who claimed Ben assaulted here a year or so ago at a Vegas hotel...criminal charges were thrown out but the civil suit is pending.

IN ATLANTA AREA, COBB COUNTY SCHOOLS MAY LAY OFF A BUNCH!
Like many other school systems and localities, Cobb County Schools are in a financial bind.  The state, short on tax revenues, is cutting back in a lot of ways and school funding is one.  A lot of layoffs could be coming to that county. 
In Kansas City, they're closing HALF the schools in the system.  That's after they spent MILLIONS over the past few years on the physical plants and campuses to "bring them up to the standards of suburban schools."
Man, it just shows you, it's not how much MONEY you pump into the schools...it's the motivation of the STUDENTS...which comes from home...and the dedication of the teachers, which comes from the heart. AND OLD FASHIONED VALUES, which are being legislated away by our government.

SOMEBODY'S HIRING!
While most of the world is cutting back under withering economic turmoil, (our FEDERAL DEFICIT UP 14% OVER MARCH OF LAST YEAR) guess who's on a hiring spree!  THE UNITED NATIONS!  So, if you're looking for a job, you know how to sit around, do nothing, are adept at wasting money, support socialist dictators and oppressive regimes, and you're decidedly ANTI-AMERICAN, get an application.  You could be sucking off the teat of American taxpayers all the while plotting to bring to redistribute our wealth, ruin our economy and bring down our government. 

AND FINALLY, THERE'S THIS...
The 9th Circuit Court (THE MOST LIBERAL COURT IN THIS GALAXY) has ruled that "In God We Trust" and "Under God" may remain on our currency and in our pledge.  The way things are going, I'm not so sure God wants to claim us...but some of us are grateful, nonetheless...


READY BRAIN?

Later
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WHAT? MORE RAIN?
About three inches, SO FAR!  And it looks like more is coming.  The problem with that is it causes HUGE traffic problems.  People forget how to drive.  Accidents have already taken a couple of lives on area highways...be careful, people. 
Another thing people forget to do is TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS when it's raining.  Rule of thumb, is simple: when the wipers are on, the headlights should be ON, TOO!  I find it amazing because in newer cars, you actually have to TURN THE LIGHTS OFF to keep them from lighting up in daylight.  Just leave 'em on automatic and they will come on when the engine is on and they will go off, when the ignition is turned off.  Pretty simple.

MARCH MADNESS...I DO LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL AND THE TOURNAMENT SEASON!
The ACC Tournament kicks off today...Boston College and Virginia at noon.  Whatcha wanna bet the next couple of weeks there's more BRACKETOLOGY than REAL WORK getting done!?!
Selection Sunday is just a few days away...meanwhile enjoy the Conference Tourneys!


ANOTHER TEACHERS HAVING SEX WITH A STUDENT?
Again, this is an attractive 30-ish female having "improper relations" with one of her pubescent, male students.  This time it's in California...here she is...
Amy Beck...33...
I don't remember ANYTHING like this happening when I was in school!  ...dammit...oh, did I say that out loud?  Sorry...
NO, first of all, I never had any teachers that looked like that...they all had orthipedic shoes and wore their hair in a bun...OK, maybe that's just the way I remember it...and second, even if teacher WAS hot, I don't think she would have been attracted to a 13-14 YEAR OLD!  I mean, come on, ladies...what does a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD have that you want?  Are you just turned on by the way he says, "HUH?"  Do you just love the sag of his pants...the gangsta rap coming from his iPod...the occasional acne?  I really don't get it. 
I gotta tell ya in all candor, though...if we did have a hot teacher and one of my friends did...well...you know...he would be the HIGH FIVE KING of the school.  That's just the way boys are!! 

NO SALT? ARE YOU CRAZY!?!
The NY State Legislature has proposed a bill that would BAN SALT FROM RESTAURANTS!  Holy NANNY STATE, BATMAN, GOTHAM'S GOING BLAND!  You gotta be kidding me.  No salt?  Just how intrusive are we going to allow government to get?  How are you going to serve margaritas...bloody mary's?  HUH?  Some eateries food would HAVE NO TASTE AT ALL, if it weren't for a little salt.  And anyway, if I wanna order a deep fried Twinkie and put extra salt on it, that should be MY RIGHT!!  Who are you to say, NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT!   I do hope saner heads in NY will tell them they can GO POUND SALT! 

ANYONE SURPRISED AT THIS?
University of Chicago study, published in the British Medical Journal says women outlive men but men stay interested in sex longer.  Men pretty, much want it right up until the DAY THEY DIE!  WOMEN lose interest...but they live longer...see the correlation?  They derive GREAT PLEASURE...LIFE-GIVING PLEASURE from depriving us of SEX!!  It sustains them...and it KILLS US!  How cruel!! 
Goes to show ya, with ENOUGH MONEY and ENOUGH VIAGRA...you too can have this...no wonder he's smiling...lucky old coot.

WHO'S THAT GUY?  THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD, THAT'S WHO!

Remember the Winter Olympics...when a lot of SILVER MEDALIST would cry because they didn't win GOLD?  I wonder if Bill Gates is crying this morning...HE'S NOW NUMBER TWO!  This guy, Carlos Slim...sounds like a prison alias, doesn't it?...is the new top money dog.  And...HE'S FROM MEXICO.  You can't make a phone call, buy cement or purchase anything from a department store, for which HE does not get money.  He makes about $30M per DAY. 
Started out selling snacks to his family...and lives a frugal lifestyle...has lived in the same house for 40 years and drives a beat up old Benz...it IS an ARMOR PLATED BENZ...cause, come on, he's not stupid!! 
Poor Bill Gates...he's gonna have to cut back on some household expenses and maybe take another job to get back on top...don't ya think?

READY BRAIN?
Business is expected to LOSE $1.7 BILLION this year because of this...what is it?

Answer: Employees DOING NCAA BRACKETS!

Yes, Forbes estimates that much is lost in "PRODUCTIVITY" by soliciting, filling out, evaluating and arguing the brackets for the NCAA Tournament.   Have fun.

Later
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IT'S RAINING!!
Yeah, it's a gray, wet, gloomy day but I like it.  We were treated to a few spring-like days and now here comes the rain.  If you're hating it, just remember those days when we were PRAYING for rain.  This will make for a much nicer, more fun, more recreational, worry free summer...as far a water goes, anyway.

GLOOMY DAY IN HOLLYWOOD TOO, COREY HAIM, STAR OF "LOST BOYS' FOUND DEAD

If you were or if you raised a child of the 80s, this news is sad.  Corey Haim was found in L.A. dead of an apparent overdose...he was 38.  If you're female and of that age range, you probably had a poster of Corey in your bedroom.  You MAY have had one if you are a MALE...NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
The point is, his star rose very rapidly and burned brightly...for a while.  Then, as often happens in the "what have you done for me lately" world of stardom, his flame went out.  To compensate...DRUGS.  It became his new friend...his dangerous friend.  And as with all dangerous things one plays with, when not handled carefully and completely under control, it becomes the enemy and the executioner. 
Odd, in a way, that events like this come to serve as lessons.  Most times, lessons totally unheeded but ones of great value nonetheless when they are.  So many aspire to the heights that Corey Haim reached.  So many believe that to be the ultimate dream...to be a big star...to be adored by throngs of fans.  And maybe it is but then again, maybe it's only a short ride.  You must be as ready for the ride UP the roller coaster as your are for the drop down.  He was not.  Another sad ending to a Hollywood story.

OK...ROLL OUT THE THREE STOOGES...THE FEMALE VERSION...THE SHE STOOGES
First Stooge; Meagan Mariah Barnes.  She was driving to Key West at mile marker 21 when she was involved in a two-car accident.  The patrolman arriving at the scene said its' the SECOND weirdest thing he's ever covered at that very same mile marker...the other was a driver who had THREE HYPODERMIC NEEDLES STICKING IN HIS ARM. 
OK...how can THIS be weirder?  Meagan, who had JUST THE DAY BEFORE been convicted of DUI  The judge ordered her license suspended for for FIVE YEARS' her car impounded and any car she drive after that be equipped with a breathalyzer ignition.
But that did not deter Meagan...she was on her way to see her boyfriend.  Ok, so...what caused the accident?  Well it COULD HAVE BEEN that Meagan, was SHAVING HER BIKINI LINE AT THE  TIME.  Hey she was going to see her BOY FRIEND!!  Yes, doing landscaping while driving.  OH, it gets better.  Meagan's EX BOYFRIEND, OR MAYBE HUSBAND was actually handling the steering wheel from the PASSENGER SEAT.  What do you suppose HE was watching? 
Now, they are BOTH in a world of trouble...as they should be.

STOOGE NUMBER TWO
Lindsay Lohan...she is suing E*Trade for 100 MEEEEL-YUN DOLLARS!  Lindsay, another one of those potential sad Hollywood stories, is claiming that the online trading site USE HER IMAGE AND NAME in one of its TV Commercials.  You've probably seen the one...with the kid in the high chair who talks about all his stock trades over the Internet?  In this one, the kid is video conferencing with an apparent girlfriend, who is chastising him for not calling the night before.  HE claims to have been busy attacking trading deals like A WOLF.  She then asks if that "Milk-a-holic, Lindsay" was there...he's stunned by the accusation and then LINDSAY...or so we surmise pops on the screen and says, "MILK-A-WHAT?"
Ok, Lohan seems to believe that that little girl WAS HER!  She, apparently, believes that she alone has the SOLE rights to the name LINDSAY and the company use her image without permission.
This is a suit that should never have advanced beyond the idea stage...it should and probably will be summarily thrown out of court as a FRIVOLOUS lawsuit...for which the attorney can be sanctioned. 

STOOGE NUMBER THREE

Nancy Pelosi.  She is the Speaker of the House of Representatives and is getting increasingly kooky as support for the health care bill dwindles.  She did a YouTube video IMPLORING her colleagues and the public to support the bill and RAM it through Congress.  In the video she said to critics; "We need to pass this bill so you can see what's in it!"  WHAAAA?  What kind of backward logic is that? You need to TELL US WHAT'S IN IT (HONESTLY) before we can decided if you should pass it. 
Over 2000 pages...I doubt SHE knows everything in it...

AND THEN THERE'S THIS WOMAN...WE'LL CALL HER SHEMP...THE FORTH STOOGE...
JIHAD JANE...a seemingly normal suburban mom who recruited people around the world to KILL AMERICANS!!  This piece of human garbage should be dealt with in the harshest means legally available. 
She became a Muslim...OK, fine, if that's what you want to do...BUT THEN...she decided to launch her own personal jihad against AMERICA...CHRISTIANS...JEWS... AND WHOMEVER ELSE RADICAL MUSLIMS HATE AND WANT TO KILL.
She set up an internet site and recruited other sick, perverted Americans, Europeans, Asians and others to kill innocent people and people that she and her twisted sisters (and brothers) deemed insulting to Islam and or Mohammed. 
I would say all of this is ALLEGED but it seems pretty cut and dried that she's the one behind this.  She and several others around the world have been arrested and are facing charges.  And when the legal system is done, I hope she is dealt the same judgment that she and her ilk have deemed themselves worthy and lofty enough to administer.  She deserves nothing less. 


AND SO AS NOT TO BE SEXIST...THERE'S THIS GUY...WE'LL CALL HIM SUPER STOOGE!

ERIC MASSA...talk about KOOKY!?!  He's the guy who accused Rahm Emanuel of accosting him in the shower, NAKED, and poking him with his finger...well of the options available under THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES...I'd say THE FINGER was the preferable choice...from MY STANDPOINT, anyway. 
In response to the accusations he GROPED a male staffer, Massa said, YES, HE NOT ONLY GROPED HIM, HE TICKLED HIM TILL HE WAS OUT OF BREATH!"  Hmmm.  WAIT, THERE'S MORE...
Then Massa said four other guys PILED ON TOP OF HIM...IT WAS HIS (MASSA'S) BIRTHDAY AND "THEY WERE PLAYING KILL THE OLD GUY!"
Yeah...I can't tell you how many times we've played THAT one around the office...
OK, I HAVE tickled someone till they were out of breath...BUT NOT AN ADULT.  In playing with my nieces or nephews, or my little brother or my OWN KIDS AND GRANDDAUGHTER, I may have done that but after they grew up...somehow that game seemed neither fun nor appropriate.
What kind of guy tickles another guy till he's breathless?  A WEIRD GUY, that's what! 
Any credibility he has is out the window now!!  Nice goin, TICKLE BOY.


THAT'S IT FOR TODAY...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DARE WE DECLARE WINTER OVER?
It sure feels like SPRING!   Daffodils starting to bloom, crocus popping up, robins showing red breasts. 
OH, speaking of breasts...
Did you hear about the assault with a loaded boob?  A woman was being booked on "suspicion" of DUI and while changing into her jail jumpsuit, SQUIRTED THE JAILER IN THE FACE WITH BREAST MILK!  Who ever heard of such a thing!  Now the prisoner is charged with several counts of ASSAULT, along with her DUI arrest. 
This is obviously a RESPONSIBLE person.  She's lactating...so I GUESS that would mean she's got a baby of breastfeeding age...and she's getting drunk and driving around...VERY responsible. 

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE...KELLY'S MOM, MIDGE
(From Kelly) Here's another Midge update: It's been exactly one week today that she was admitted to Dekalb Medical and the good news is that she contuines to improve. She was in good spirits this morning despite being woken up at all hours last night by staff. Even woken up at 1am and asked if she wanted a BATH! Your prayers are working so please keep them coming.


UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE...Fascist-LOVING, Intolerant CELEBUJERK
In yesterday's blog, I talked about nice guy, Sean Penn saying anyone who criticized him should "die, screaming with rectal cancer."  Well, the bosom buddy of dictator, Hugo Chavez if Venezuela, apparently is rubbing off on Sean. 

Penn also said in that same "cancer" interview that any journalist who calls Chavez a "dictator" should be JAILED.  Wow, that's what Chavez thinks, too.  And he HAS jailed his critics...guess that's better than wishing rectal cancer on them.  BUT...jailing your critics for calling you a dictator...isn't that the very DEFINITION OF DICTATOR? 


DAN RATHER HAS SLIPPED A GROOVE
Former CBS News anchor Dan Rather, while talking to Chris Matthews of CNN, about the GOP's expected strategy against Democrats in elections this fall, said Republicans would describe President Obama as "a nice person ... very articulate" but an ineffective leader who "couldn't sell watermelons if you gave him the state troopers to flag down the traffic."

WHAT?  What does that mean?  Who is he intending to insult?  Turns out he is insulting to us all...what a stupid thing to say.  But...wait...Rather prefaced the comments by saying, "The Republicans will make a case and a lot of independents will buy this argument."

WHAT ARGUMENT?  Dan hasn't been right since he got mugged about 10 years ago...he claimed some guy beat him up as he kept repeating, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" 
Yeah, that makes sense, too, huh? 

DRIVING A TOYOTA?  OH WHAT A FEELING...HOW'S THAT FEEL ABOUT RIGHT NOW?
There is even MORE evidence that the Toyotas are a bit of a risk.  The latest evidence came when a Prius driver on Interstate 8 in San Diego called 911, claiming he could not stop his car.  The accelerator was racing and the breaks were not stopping the vehicle as he hit speeds of over 90 mph.  A CHiPs Officer was able to locate the car, slow it down and stop it with his patrol car.  The Prius driver had just come from the Toyota dealership, where the service representative told him his care was NOT on the recall list and everything was OK...OK, why don't YOU get in the car and drive it around for a while? 
Oh and who's going to be responsible for cleaning that soiled front seat? 

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THOSE CONGRESSIONAL SHOWERS?
This man, NY Democrat Representative Eric Massa claims he is being shoved aside by the White House for his refusal to back the Obama health care plan.  THAT, he claims is what is behind accusations that he "sexually harassed" a male staff member a few months back and subsequently forced him to resign from Congers.  Massa claims it's just his "salty language" that got him in trouble. 
Regardless, his claim is that he was cornered in the Congress' gym shower by THIS MAN:
...the one nuzzling the Speaker of the House. RAHM EMANUEL. 
According to Massa, the confrontation took place with Emanuel NAKED and got heated as the two stood in the buff, nose to nose...or whatever...to whatever...you get the picture...
Since his announcement to resign his seat in Congress, Massa called Emanuel "the son of Satan's spawn."  That would make him the devil's grandson, if that accusation is correct. 
Does Glenn Back know that the GRANDSON OF THE DEVIL has access to the OVAL OFFICE?
Quick, get the chalkboard!!

READY BRAIN?

We first met THIS famous icon on this date in 1959.  Who...or what is it?

Answer: BARBIE
Barbara Millicent Roberts debuted March 9, 1959...whoo, that makes her 51 years old...wonder if they'll come out with a new COUGAR BARBIE!  Much younger Ken sold separately!

LATER

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WOULDN'T WANT TO BE AT THE CAMERON AFTER PARTY
I am sure the Hollywood faces...the botox-free parts that could actually MOVE, that is,  were aghast last night as the DOMESTIC drama played out between ex spouses. 
James Cameron, with "Avatar"...the prohibitive favorite...the juggernaut...the blockbuster vs Katherine Bigelow and "The Hurt Locker," a movie about the Iraq War that NOBODY SAW!
                           Bigelow                                                             Cameron

                      $14.7 M Box Office                                              $720 M Box Office
In the end, WHO got the last laugh?  Well, SHE got TWO OSCARS...Best Film and Best Director.  And HE only got a few bazillion dollars...so YOU be the judge.  Either way, I'll bet HER party was more fun than HIS!  I mean you can't feel TOO SORRY for him.  If he was crying about it, I say SHUT UP!!  SHUT UP AND ENJOY YOUR EXTRA LARGE BANK ACCOUNT.

THIS IS WHY I PREFER THE RAZZIES
Call me a stick in the mud, if you like, but the Oscars just don't impress me.  A bunch of self aggrandizing, self-adoring, phonies, celebrating how wonderful and beautiful they are and presenting themselves awards for it.  Kind of like Reverend Jeremiah Wright in Chicago Friday night, PRESENTING HIMSELF with a "LIVING LEGEND AWARD?"  And CHARGING PEOPLE BIG MONEY TO COME TO THE EVENT...THAT'S watcha see when gonads meet the gullible.
 
Anyway, back to Hollywood...the whole event is about who's being seen and what they are being seen in...Halston, Dior, Wang...for MY money, there are too many people in Tinseltown WAY to proud of their WANGS as it is.   The whole orchestrated evening is badly delivered jokes about real inside stuff, weak skirts, presentations delivered by actors, who would be LOST without a script or teleprompter, phony self-deprecation and LOTS OF CLEAVAGE. 
(OK, that last part, I don't mind.)

Now the RAZZIES...this is a little ceremony that recognizes the OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD.  The SUCK side...the side that the glam would prefer you see, as long as you spend money but prefer that you don't remember.  The Razzies recognize the WORST efforts of these genius film-makers and thespians. 
One class act to come from the Razzies...Sandra Bullock showing up to good-naturedly accept her award for WORST ACTRESS...she was actually a DOUBLE winner, also winning WORST COUPLE, with some guy, for her role in "All About Steve."
She showed up, accepted the award and provided DVDs of the movie to everybody.  Now THAT'S class.

I DO DISAGREE WITH ONE THING ABOUT THE RAZZIES
While the Razzies poke fun at the self-centeredness of Hollywood, I do have to vehemently object to one presentation...WORST OF THE DECADE.  There were Razzies presented to the Worst FILM of the Decade, which went to "Spaceship Earth."  This was the HORRIBLE story, funded and starring John Travolta, which was written by L. Ron Hubbard and pretty much tells the story of the science fiction account that led to the cult religion, Scientology.  OK, I have no beef with that...it was a stinker.  BUT...worst actor and actress of the DECADE...EDDIE MURPHY?  OK, he was sucky in "Norbit."  he got a little carried away with that multiple character thing but WORST OF THE DECADE?  Whatever...BUT THIS...THIS is just a travesty...WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE?  PARIS HILTON?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I most strenuously object...to her being called an ACTRESS!   She's just kind of a celebutramp...famous for NOTHING SHE'S DONE OR EARNED.

She's more like the modern day Zsa Zsa Gabor...without all the talent...

NOW FOR A TOTAL LACK OF CLASS?
A good example of why actors should just SHUT UP AND ACT is Sean Penn.  Now, granted, he jumped RIGHT INTO ACTION when the devastating earthquake hit Haiti.  He personally delivered needed supplies and aid that was greatly appreciated.  BUT...he also brought with him a camera and crew so they could CHRONICLE the whole thing...for a future film or documentary, perhaps?
He was criticized by those who already disliked him for his politics as well as those who questioned his motives...both here AND in Haiti. 
So, does he respond in the spirit of benevolence and love that he delivered to Haiti?  NOPE!  Sean Penn appeared on the CBS Sunday Morning Show to say THIS of his critics: "I hope they all DIE SCREAMING FROM RECTAL CANCER!" 
Wow...just because they question your motives?  To ME that really puts the HATE in Haiti!

READY BRAIN?
Academy Award Film, "Gone With the Wind." Author, Margaret Mitchell did not want Clark Gable to play Rhett Butler.  Who was Mitchel's choice? 

Answer:  GROUCHO MARX! 

Couldda been a TOTALLY different film...Civil War meets "COCONUTS!" 

Later
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FROM A FORMER LISTENER OF OURS, DAVE...

Hey guys sure hope to hear if all the rumors are correct and yall come
back.I have been listening to yall for 10 years and sure do miss you
guys. I was lucky to win a cruise from y'all on Holland America and coke
contest some years back and will never forget. The radio station will
sure get my emails about bringing y'all back.

Thanks
A faithful listener
Dave

My reply:
Hey David,
Thanks for your email...nice to hear from you. Thanks, too, for the kind words.  
We certainly miss being back on the air and we are grateful that we created a
memory for you and that we can still count you among our loyal fans.
We won't be going back any time soon, either, I'm afraid.  There were a lot of 
RUMORS after B98.5 decided not to renew Steve McCoy's contract but they DID 
renew Vikki and she will be doing the morning show for another year...at least 
that is the term of her new agreement...or so I hear.  
Rumors of our return were just that...along with some wishful thinking on our 
part and the part of a few others, like yourself.  We are still looking for 
our next job...it's been pretty tough all over and radio is no exception. 
I hope you are well and enjoying life.  Keep up the good thoughts for us and 
hopefully, we'll be back on the air somewhere soon.  When we are, I'll be sure 
and holler real loud, so you'll know. 
You can keep track of us in the meantime at our web site:  
www.kellyandalpha.com 
I keep it updated with news and stuff pretty much every day.  Check it out 
and keep in touch.

It really is nice to have so many thoughtful friends.  

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A REQUEST FOR YOUR PRAYERS FROM KELLY
Kelly has requested prayers for his mom.  Well, he's  the son she never gave birth to.  She's meant the world to him the past couple of years.  She's hospitalized with breathing problems and test are being run.  He's asked for your prayers for her...and I would suggest for him, as well.  He's by her side.  Your prayers are needed and appreciated.

COULD SPRING FINALLY BE SNEAKING BACK IN?
The forecast for the weekend says SIXTY DEGREES...WHOOO HOOOO!  It's been a while.  I'll take it.
     BACK ON THE AIR?
Many of you have contacted us to see if we'd be going back to our old haunts at WSB-FM...No, it looks like that door was closed again.  The station has decided to keep one half of the show they brought in to replace us.  It lasted about a year and a half...with no better success than we had and for a LOT MORE MONEY, it seems.  So...for now...life goes on...our hunt continues.  Thanks for your concern and thoughtfulness, though.

OK, THIS MAKES ME WANNA CHEW NAILS!  MY OPINION...
Three Navy Seals face the possibility of PRISON over accusations by a murdering, terrorist, animal.  That animal's name is, I Made Hashish a Bed...or something...wait...it's Ahmed Hashim Abed...I was close.  Here is what that PIECE OF GARBAGE DID...
Imade a Bed...or whatever...planned and orchestrated an attack on 4 INNOCENT, AMERICAN, CONTRACTORS in Fallujah, Iraq.  The place was a cesspool of terror and unrest following the defeat of Saddam Hussein's army.   Abed, and his assassins ambushed, these 4 men in their car and they were killed and set ablaze...maybe not in that order.  The bodies of were then defiled as they were tied to the bumpers of cars and dragged through the streets and then hung over a bridge, prominently in view of the city and many cheering Iraquis. 
ENTER THE NAVY SEALS.  An intensive search was launched for the perpetrators, particularly the mastermind, Abed.  He was captured.  NOW he is claiming that he was "punched in the stomach and given a bloody lip."  He's crying ABUSE AND TORTURE...and for some reason...we're listening.
The  response to these cowardly cries SHOULD BE, "Yeah, so what?"  BUT...instead the response by a government that is more concerned about offending the sensibilities of people who want to KILL us, is to PUT THE NAVY SEALS ON TRIAL FOR ABUSE!
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?  These men, these brave Navy Seals are heroes.  They captured a CRIMINAL (I'm being nice) and made him available to be brought to trial and delivered justice for his unspeakable mutilation of innocent human beings.  And what thanks do they get?  They get kicked in the teeth by our current leaders, who think it is "fair" that they be punished...obviously so as NOT to offend the Muslim world.

OK...though I am not authorized to do so by anyone, let me apologize for what these brave Navy Seals did...
Considering what your crimes are, Mr. Abed...and considering that ALL YOU GOT was a fat lip and a punch in the gut...sorry about that.

Considering the fact that they COULD have put on masks to hide their identity (as your comrades have done in cowardice) and set up a video camera to capture your screams as they slowly SAWED YOUR HEAD OFF (as some of your comrades did to journalist, Daniel Pearl)...BUT DIDN'T...sorry about that.

And now that there is a segment of our leadership that seems to believe that America is to blame for all of this.  That America is at fault for you and others like you, declaring a Jihad on US and want to KILL US.  That we have brought this hatred and declarations of war upon ourselves...I am truly very sorry about that.

I am sorry that we are unwilling to stand up and recognize that YOU HAVE DECLARED WAR ON US...and you actually believe YOU ARE AT WAR...BUT WE CHOSE TO DENY IT.   We, instead placate and acquiess to your every demand and go so far as to punish our soldiers who inadvertently and innocently "insult" you, your Koran or your religion.  I am really sorry about that.

Now, all those apologies out of the way...I hope we come to our senses, dismiss charges against the three Navy Seals and then get about the business of delivering the kind of justice to you that you deserve.  And for the record, I believe that justice is no better than the fate you delivered to 4 innocent men in the streets of Fallujah...and if I could...I'd suggest, just for giggles, we put you and those Seals in a room, close the door and just forget about what goes on for an hour or so...and show you how MINOR a fat lip really is. 

TURKS ARE INSULTED AND WITHDRAW THEIR AMBASSADOR TO THE US
Turkey is upset and as a matter of honor, have suspended diplomatic relations with the United States.  What is this all about?  It's all about a declaration in the US House of Representatives this week that stated that the World War I -era KILLING of 1.5 million Armenians...yeah, ONE AND A HALF MILLION Armenians was "genocide."  The Turks are INSULTED.  At what?  That everyone recognizes that they SLAUGHTERED 1 and a half million people?  NO...they are insulted that we stoop so low as to call it GENOCIDE.  They don't deny DOING IT...they are just offended that we call it genocide...
How utterly honorable...

MORE PROOF THAT WE'RE TOTALLY INSANE...
A Swiss condom manufacturer is coming out with a line of "EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS" for TWELVE YEAR-OLDS!!  Siting the battle against AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, the company is marketing them to KIDS.
I just don't know what to say...
What'll it be there my little kinder?  Ah...could I have some Sweet Tarts, a comic book and a pack of those Pygmy Condoms?  Thank you, sir. 

IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED...THE OSCAR ODDS:
Best Odds for the Oscars

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges 1/6
George Clooney 13:1
Colin Firth 14:1
Morgan Freeman 25:1
Jeremy Renner 28:1

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock 4:6
Meryl Streep 2:1
Carey Mulligan 10:1
Gabourney Sidibe 20:1
Helen Mirren 80:1

Best Picture:

The Hurt Locker 5:6
Avatar 5:4
Inglourious Basterds 17:1
Up in the Air 66:1
Up 100:1
Precious 100:1
The Blind Side 125:1
District 9 150:1
A Serious Man 200:1
An Education 200:1

Best Supporting Actor

Christoph Waltz 1:20
Woody Harrelson 20:1
Stanley Tucci 33:1
Christopher Plummer 33:1
Matt Damon 40:1

Best Supporting Actress

Mo'nique 1:12
Anna Kendrick 18:1
Vera Farmiga 28:1
Penelope Cruz 33:1
Maggie Gyllenhaal 40:1

Best Director

Kathryn Bigelow 27:100
James Cameron 7:2
Quentin Tarantino 33:1
Jason Reitman 150:1
Lee Daniels 150:1


I DON'T WANT TO WIN AN OSCAR...JUST MAKE ME A PRESENTER
Here's what the presenters get for just handing out an Academy Award...the "Swag Bag."
Here's what's it it.

* $45,000 African safari trip complete with personal chef at the Lions Sands Game Preserve in South Africa

* $14,500 stay at the Monte Carlo Beach Hotel in Monaco

* $7,000 rustic getaway at the Winvian Luxury Hotel in Connecticut

* gourmet chocolate from Chocolatines by Sweet Endeavours (including Chocolate-dipped bacon)

* personal training sessions and a one-week all inclusive fitness bootcamp

* deeli.com online shopping cards

* Tiffany cat collar and "designer dog toys"

* WooLoot sport watches

* iFLY indoor skydiving experience

* HGTV "Green Home" mattress by Serta

* The Pig Board

* personal security alarm

* 1 year supply of Altoids Smalls

OK BRAIN...
If you have one of these...no matter WHAT IT'S WORTH, you can only sell it for a DOLLAR.  What is it?

Answer: YOUR OSCAR!
After Vivien Leigh's Oscar for Gone with the Wind was sold at auction for $510,000, the Academy instated a policy whereby an Oscar owner (its winner or inheritor), before auctioning the statuette, must first offer to sell it to the Academy for $1.

LATER
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE SPRING MIGHT BE HERE AFTER ALL...CANCEL THE HIT ON THE GROUNDHOG.


DUHHHA?
General Lee predicted an early arrival of Spring...well, maybe he was off just a little.  I'll take it any time it arrives.  I do feel a bit like a wimp, though for complaining about he weather when places like BALTIMORE and PHILADELPHIA have been HAMMERED this year.  Baltimore has had to deal with 80 INCHES so far this winter...who knows, they may get more.
So, with the radiant heat of SPRING TRAINING in full swing in Florida, maybe a little warmth is headed our way.  WHOO HOOO!

OK, WHAT'S WITH THE WHITE COATS?

I know, politics is so much drama but come on...people in white coats?  President Obama held a photo op to "suggest" that he will force congress to PUSH THROUGH on the health care bill.  It's called "reconciliation" but is commonly referred to as the "nuclear option."  It's a maneuver that has been used before but never on a bill with this level of opposition and one that would represent this large a portion of our national economy.  The new bill would fine employers $2,000 for each employee NOT covered under a company plan...which...I'm guessing would be cheaper than providing a plan, right?  It would also fine individuals who do not purchase their own health care.  Do you agree with this?  It's a FORCED expenditure on the part of the federal government...which I believe falls outside the bounds or our US Constitution. 
At any rate, the LAB COATS...it looks like Obama's doing a DR. SCHOLL'S COMMERCIAL.

GOOD-TIME CHARLIE'S GOT THE BLUES...

Representative Charles Rangel has taken a "leave of absence" from his CHAIRMANSHIP of the House Appropriations Committee.  The House Ethics Committe...those nitpickers...found a few "vio-lations" of House rules...picky, picky, picky.  Just because he took a few little trips to the Caribbean...paid for by lobbyists and certain corporations...come on!  Isn't that the kind of thing CONGRESSMEN and WOMEN have grown to EXPECT? 
Oh, they haven't even commented on his tax evasion...seems Charlie can't remember that he has a few MILLION DOLLARS tucked away in a few accounts.  But who DOESN'T forget THAT kind of thing? 
Oh, and his Dominican condo...oh, and the rent he received on his apartment buildings in Harlem...you expect a guy to keep track of ALL OF THAT? 
He's already blamed the tax thing on his wife and the trips...that was one of his staffers' fault.  
What do you want from your Congressmen...HONESTY?  INTEGRITY?  RESPONSIBILITY? 
Really?  Hmm...tough crowd.

RETURN TO GILLIGAN'S ISLAND?  REALLY? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?

It seems that the BIG SCREEN is just dying for a "Gilligan's Island" MOVIE.  The TV show aired for 98 episodes from 1964-1967 and the series was canceled with the castaways STILL ON THE ISLAND.  I think if you'd go back now, you'd just find a few skeleton...not saying...just sayin...
Who knows...maybe there will be a big rescue this time. 
I did enjoy the show when it was on...but of course, I was 10!  I especially liked the episode when the ALMOST got off the island but then Gilligan did something stupid and messed it all up...remember that one?  You don't hmm...it was my favorite! 

SIP ON YOUR VENTI LATTE HALF-CAF AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY SMITH & WESSON
For some reason, Starbucks and a few other coffee shops have been chosen to make a stand for the right to bear firearms.  The Supreme Court is deliberating the right of local governments to supersede the Federal Law on gun ownership and the right to carry.  Chicago and Washington DC are two cities that ban the ownership of firearms and the decision is whether or not that is counter to the Constitution. 
Sooo...Starbucks employees have been instructed that if a customer comes in WEARING A HOLSTERED handgun, to just ignore it and serve up a hot beverage.  Would you be more afraid of the openly carried handgun or the one hidden in one's pocket? 
You might see a cutback on orders of ESPRESSO...some people might be jittery enough. 

OK...JUST FOR ME...HERE ARE A FEW THINGS I AM OVER...
I am over the GEICO commercial with the guy, drolly asking, (for example) if a 10lb bag of flour makes a big biscuit.
I am over FARMVILLE on Facebook.

I have more but I'd like to hear yours.  If there is something(s) you're OVER, let me know.  You respond by clicking the link at the bottom of this page and offering feedback and I'll post your replies.

IS YOUR DIET HEALTHY?  NO? HERE'S WHY!
The World's Healthiest Diets according to Forbes Magazine:
(The numbers are life expectancy and obessity rate)

1. Japan (82) (1.5%)
2. Singapore (82) (1.8%)
3. China (73) (1.8%)
4. Sweden (81) (11%)
5. France (81) (6.6%)
6. Israel (81) (24%)
7. Greece (80) (25%)
8. Italy (80) (13%)
9. Spain (80) (16%)
10.South Korea (79) (10%)

You see the common denominator?  See it?  NONE OF THOSE COUNTRIES SPEAK ENGLISH!
I don't think it's our DIET that's making us fat...IT'S SPEAKING ENGLISH!!
...just a theory...totally unscientific...but you knew that....


READY BRAIN?
According to a new book called, "We Won The Lottery"...a book about lottery winners' most unusual purchases, that after winning the big money, one in four winners blow some of their money on this....

Answer: PLASTIC SURGERY...most common?  NEW BOOBS!!

MOST UNUSUAL LOTTERY PURCHASES: (with my commentary no extra charge...you're welcome)
1. Recorded and released a single ...bet THAT worked out well... 
2. Pair of new knees ...wore the old ones out praying for a winning lottery ticket...
3. Hair salon ...see...something to FALL BACK ON...only open when YOU feel like it!
4. Racehorse ...FINALLY...A WISE INVESTMENT!
5. Robin Reliant ...WTH is THAT?
6. acres of Woodland and 300 new trees...what was wrong with the OLD trees?
7. Breast enlargements for her two sisters ...they must have been homely...
8. Flock of sheep ...make up your own punchlines...
9. A Whiskey factory ...something tells me THAT won't end well...
10. A 'Lady' title...we ASSUME it was for a female...

LATER
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WE'VE HAD A LOT OF NEW VISITORS HERE LATELY...THANKS!
Activity on our site has really picked up in the past few days...wonder what's going on!  We're grateful for all who come visit...no matter what the reason.  I hope you're finding something fun and entertaining here and keep coming back.  I'll keep posting things I like to talk about.

OH, HERE'S AN UPDATE...KELLY STEVENS IS NOW AND AVOWED THESPIAN

Yes, he's out...and he's cast in a new play at the Alliance Theater in the Acting Department.  I don't have all the details...but it LOOKS like he's got the roll of a praying mantis...a very LARGE praying mantis...he's probably saying GRACE. 
I'll post the details as they come in.

THEY'RE GOING NOOK-YOU-LAR

That is the term used on Capitol Hill for the term "Reconciliation."  Which is an even VAGUE-ER term for forcing through a piece of legislation.  It's been done before, but never for a bill with this level of opposition and one which will amount to 1/6 of our FEDERAL BUDGET! 
It's the health care bill and the Democrats are determined to make it law.  Republicans are equally determined to oppose and some "moderate" Democrats may resist it, as well.  BUT...it looks like there will be a HEALTH CARE BILL coming soon...whether you want it in this form or not.  Celebration time?

(Oooohhhh, Madame Speaker, do you think we could slip away behind one of these flags and...AW HAW HAW HAW?")
(Hmmm...Not NOW Mr. CHIEF OF STAFF....maybe later during the vote, we will push the buttons together")

I can't help it, this picture just looks so FUNNY. 

OK...ARE WE OVER THIS CHICK, YET?

Yes, she is WORLD CLASS BEAUTIFUL but is that any reason to keep excusing her for ASSAULTING PEOPLE?  What is this the THIRD...FORTH person she's attacked and injured?  This time it's her driver.  Apparently something set the diva off and she punched and slapped her driver from the back seat of her luxury limo.  The driver stopped the car immediately after the incident.   He found and told a traffic officer that Campbell hit him from behind hard enough for his head to hit the steering wheel and cause bruising under his eye.  This comes after doing some "community service" for attacking one of her assistants.  She's thrown phones, punches and insults...whaddaya say it's time to throw HER in jail?  Maybe a nice cellmate will show HER how to take a punch...

UPDATE--It looks like criminal charges will not be filed against Campbell...again...she gets away with it.

READY FOR ANOTHER TAX?...ON YOUR GAS?
Experts say that in order to meet CARBON DIOXIDE EMISSION STANDARDS laid out by the Obama Administration, TAXES on gasoline would have to rise...how much?  How about $4 per gallon bringing the price to about SEVEN DOLLARS PER GALLON!?! 
How's that GLOBAL WARMING WORKING FOR YOU NOW?

OH, YOU'RE ALREADY STARTING TO PAY FOR HEALTH CARE TOO...AT THE RESTAURANT!
And so it begins...restaurants in San Francisco have started to ADD ON taxes or FEES, in order to pay for HEALTH CARE.  You'll find a little extra charge on your bill at most SF eateries.  They will add a "few dollars" or a percentage in order to cover the cost of employees health care.
OK...if they are doing that...I figure the TIP is a way to compensate WAITRONS for the fact that "benefits" are generally NOT covered in their, usually, meager hourly pay.  Soooo...if they are NOW going to expect US to pay for their health care, shouldn't we drop the tip an equal dollar figure or percentage?
I would think that is fair, wouldn't you?
That is if you can AFFORD to eat out, any more...

AND FROM NEW RADIO STAR...
OK...IS THIS THE STUPIDIST?  MOST STUPIDIST?  KNOW ANYTHING MORE STUPIDER?
A British man is losing his driving license for six months after he was caught walking his dog from the driver's seat of his car. Police in Annfield Plain, England, said Paul Railton, 23, was driving along the street at 5 mph with his dog attached to a leash dangling out the window of his vehicle. Railton appeared before a judge and admitted to a charge of not being in proper control of a vehicle. He was issued three points on his license, bringing his point total to 12 and resulting in a loss of driving privileges for six months. He was also fined $99. "A lot of people exercise their dogs in that manner," Railton said. "It's a joke. I'm not bothered. I knew I'd get three points. I might save myself some money not having a car."
(YEAH...wha't the point of having a CAR if you can't use it to WALK the dog!)
Any wonder a study last week said that in 20 years, 80% OF BRITISH MEN WOULD BE OBESE!?!

OK...MAYBE THIS IS MORE STUPIDER...WOULD YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH COW FECES?
This story comes from the Agence France-Presse...
The sacred status of cows in India has been even further enhanced because  research labs are developing a line of medicines made of cow feces and cow urine.  Scientists in Ahmedabad, India are using the feces and urine to formulate cures ranging from cancer to bad breath. Kesari Gumat, a scientist at the Ahmedabad Research Center, says the cures are contained in ancient Hindu holy texts.  The Center has 300 cows, where their excrement is collected and spread on the ground to dry in the sun. Visitors are asked to remove their shoes and socks and are then told to walk across the field of feces. "Walking on fresh cow dung is very healthy," Gumat said. "It kills all the germs and bacteria and heals wounds. And dry cow dung is a great scrub to get rid of dead skin and improve blood circulation." The list of uses of cow feces and urine include soap and toothpaste, incense sticks, and even a soft drink. Cows are sacred to the huge population of Hindus in India who don’t eat beef, but bodily excrement is acceptable once it has been stirred at a high temperature to kill dangerous bacteria. Impurities are removed from cow urine through distillation.

MMMM...nothing like an ice cold bottle of COW URINE after a hard workout...
Cow Pie Toothpaste?  Not the fist thing I want to stick in my mouth, first thing in the morning!

OK BRAIN...
A new study says, in order to have a happy marriage, husbands should do this TWICE A DAY.
What is it?

Answer:  COMPLIMENT HIS WIFE!
Whether she deserves it or not?  Ok, I'll shut up.
Here's the story:

Researchers asked 4,000 husbands and wives to pinpoint their happiness in eleven different aspects of married life and calculated the typical stage when everything falls into place.

Just under three years emerged as the point when couples feel completely comfortable with each other's bad habits and have a plan for their future.

The study also found that couples claim to have their best sex after two years and four months.

They'll also spend the longest amount of quality time together each evening and make small gestures like offering to cook dinner and help with the washing up."

According to the study, here are the Top 10 things that lead to a happy marriage:

Enjoy 1 hour and 15 minutes 'me time' each day
Saying 'thank you' for helping out with household chores
Taking walks together
Partner offering to make a cup of coffee
Spend 24 minutes having a heart-to-heart a day before bed
Kiss and make up following any arguments before falling asleep
Five hugs and at least one 'I love you' a day
Four texts, calls or emails during work a day
Curling up on the sofa together 3/week
Husband compliments their wife twice a day

Later
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NEITHER RAIN NOR SLEET (like today) NOR GLOOM OF 5 DAY WORK WEEKS...
It looks like the USPS is looking to cut back service.  Saturday delivery may go away.  The Postal Service could lose SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS this year...WHOA!  Is anybody surprised that a quasi-government organization would actually LOSE money?  Whoddathought? 
So, the Post Master General is going to petition Congress to drop Saturday delivery. 
So, you won't get BILLS ON SATURDAY...anybody have a problem with that?


CHAOS IN CHILE

Aftershocks continue to rock that country after an earthquake shook nearly everything to the ground.  Buildings, in rubble are the focus of searches to find survivors.  Meanwhile troops have been called in to try to restore order and to stem the tide of looting. 
Having a bad day?  Count your blessings.

A RESULT OF THE QUAKE...A FEW GLOBAL CHANGES
Scientists at NASA say the earthquake that hit Chile actually knocked the Earth off it's axis by 3 inches and raised some land areas by as much as six feet.  As a result, each day will be one second shorter.  Amazing, huh?  Read the story...click here:  www.bloomberg.com/apps/news


MEANWHILE...BACK BEHIND CLOSED DOORS AT THE CAPITOL...

(Ohhhh...MADAME SPEAKER...wanna do some filibustering in my private office?)
This is just such a weird photo...seems like very tender moment between House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi and White House, Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel.
( OH, RAHM...Is that a health bill in your pocket or are you glad to see me?) 
(They don't call me Chief of STAFF for NOTHING.  AH HUW HUW HUW!)


DANCING WITH THE STARS, ANYONE?
Here's the new lineup for DTWS...
Pamela Anderson - Baywatch, Barbwire, Tommy Lee's Ex-wife (hope she keeps her clothes on)
Chad Ochocinco Johnson - NFL Wide Receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals (don't step on his ego)
Kate Gosselin - Jon and Kate plus 8. (who's watching the kids?)
Aiden Turner -  "All My Children" soap star  (who?)
Buzz Aldrin -  NASA Astronaut, walked on the moon with Neil Armstrong.  (should be able to moonwalk)
Shannen Doherty - Actress (and she's acted in WHAT lately?)
Evan Lysacek - Olympic Gold Medal Figure Skater (was so proud of his WANG...his VERA WANG)
Erin Andrews - ESPN Sportscaster (DURING MARCH MADNESS...ARE YOUR CRAZY?) 
Nicole Scherzinger - Pussycat Doll. (can she out-tramp Pam Anderson?)
Niecy Nash - Comedian and ex-"Reno 911" star. (is that the one with the short shorts?)
Jake Pavelka - the bachelor (does he know he's not supposed to sleep with his dance partner?)

OH DARN...NO BRADY BUNCH REUNION!
                                             The girls today
                     
                              Eve Plum                Maureen McCormick
The Brady Bunch was to have reunited for one of the network morning TV shows but it looks like a long-standing sibling rivalry will prevent that from happening.  Eve Plum (Jan) and Maureen McCormick (Marsha) would not agree to appear together.  Seems Jan is still a bit torqued about a little claim in McCormick's book...Maureen...er...Marsha, claimed she and Eve...Jan...had a SEXUAL relationship.  Apparently, that claim was bogus and Eve has not been thrilled about it, since. (Can't imagine being upset over a little thing like THAT...can you?)
Sources closer to the show and the cast say the two always disliked each other.  MARSHA, MARSHA, MARSHA!

JUST SOMETHING FUN...WHAT HAPPENED IN MY BIRTH YEAR?
http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com
Wanna find out what was going on the day...or the year you were born?  Here ya go?

AND IF IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY...
FREE STUFF YOU CAN GET ON YOUR BIRTHDAY
http://www.suddenlyfrugal.com/2010/03/14-birthday-freebies/
A list of 14 places you can go to sign up for free food on their birthdays
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

READY BRAIN?
This famous company icon was created by a 13 year-old boy who won $5 for his efforts in 1916.  What icon is that?

Answer: MR. PEANUT!
Mr. Peanut was created by 13 year-old Antonio Gentile in a logo contest held by Planters in 1916.  He won the grand prize of $5.00.  His drawing of a peanut person with arms and crossed legs was refined by a professional illustrator who added the top hat, monocle, white gloves and cane.

IT'S NATIONAL PEANUT MONTH!!  Celebrate!

That's it.
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WELL THE CALENDAR SAYS WE'RE CLOSER TO SRPING...
The "experts" tell us the globe is STILL WARMING...couldn't prove it by us, here in Atlanta...or the people of NY...they have about 18 inches of global warming on the ground in Central Park.
And there is a "wintry mix" headed our way AGAIN...Had enough of this for THIS winter, thank you very much.

NEED TO GET AWAY?

Has great fares to places where it IS warm...check 'em out at: airtran.com  GO, THERE'S NOTING STOPPING YOU!!


OLYMPICS ARE OVER
Canada wins an exciting game...it was a thriller...wish it had been an AMERICAN GOLD MEDAL...but the Canucks needed a little something to help  close out on a good note.  Hey, or should that be 'EH...they DID win the all time GOLD MEDAL COUNT.  That's something they can hang on their MOOSEHEADS, 'eh!

Sidney Crosby scored the winner and the celebration was on...

BUNCH OF CIGAR SMOKING, BEER SWILLING HOCKEY PLAYERS...TALKING ABOUT THE WOMEN!
The Canadian Women's Hockey Team also won gold...upsetting the Americans...and boy, did THEY put on a show on ice AFTER THE GAME.  Such drunken debauchery one would only expect from...well...A CANADIAN WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM.  Though the Olympic Committed was NOT AMUSED, there were no sanctions after an apology from the team.  Thing is, some of the women were underage...and boozing it up.  SHAMEFUL!!

PASS THE CONDOMS
According to reports an "emergency shipment" of condoms had to be delivered to the Olympic Village.  Hmm, seems there was a lot more than just underage DRINKING...
Look, they can do what want, but shouldn't they have to bring their OWN protection?  Did the Canadian taxpayers pay for that? 

CHILE
What a heartbreaking site coming from Chile...the images of damaged buildings, streets, destroyed homes...
It was an 8.8, that is the SEVENTH MOST POWERFUL quake since quakes have been measured. 
The president of Chile initially declined aid from the US but after getting a better handle on the devastation, I think she has changed her mind on that.  Our hearts go out to those people. 
Meanwhile in HAITI it just keeps getting worse.  Now there's FLOODING in that country.  Torrential rains have brought swollen streams and high water to the people already beset by that earthquake just over a month ago...it was relatively modest by Chilean standards, only a 6.3 but the construction there was far less sophisticated and incapable of handling large jolts.

WHAT ARE THESE TWO UP TO?

That is Rahm Emanuel, President Obama's Chief of Staff, appearing to give a sensuous nuzzle to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's ear.  (Oh, I love it when you pound that gavel...rorrrrwww!) This little tet et tet came after the health care summit last week as the Democrats were announcing that they intend to carry through with plans push the bill through, anyway.
(Meet me in the cloakroom, you savage! Purrrrrr...) 
Pelosi said, "A bill can be bipartisan without bipartisan votes."  Whaaa?  How's that again?  (Oh, I love it when you talk jibberish...rowf, rowf!) 
Seems to me, a bill would have to have bipartisan support all the way through to be called BI-PARTISAN...maybe that's just ME!

In the words of Inego Montoya; "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

DRINK UP...I WOULD...

The president had his annual physical over the weekend and apparently was told to keep an eye on the alcohol intake and to "continue efforts to stop smoking."
If he can't do that, there's a spot for him on the CANADIAN WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM!

Ooops, sorry...that's the Canadian Women's TEMPERANCE TEAM...although they do have some ICY PUCKERS...get the feeling they won't have to worry about any encroaching lips?  Me too.

OK BRAIN...
According to a new law being proposed in Britain, people there will have to pass a "competence test" much like a driver's license test, in order to be able to do this...

Answer:

Own a dog.

Owners of all breeds would also have to buy third-party insurance in case their pet attacked someone, and pay for the insertion of a microchip in their animal recording their name and address.  The cost of which can reach up to $250/year.



Later.
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